Book Review: Left Drowning by Jessica Park

Left Drowning by Jessica Park

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Get a copy here!

AMAZON | BOOK DEPOSITORY

EVERYBODY?!

OH GOD, EVERYBODY!

HEARTBREAKING AND TEAR-JERKING ALERTS FROM EVERY CORNER ARE ON!

DEFINITELY ON!

SIT UP STRAIGHT, FASTEN YOUR HEARTSTRINGS AND GET A HOLD OF A BOX OF TISSUES!

I MEAN IT, OH GOD. LAST WARNING, EVERYBODY!!!

Ahem. Okay. I’m done warning everybody. Then I guess I can start my review now.

Left Drowning is the latest Jessica Park’s book that I read. I love Jessica Park, I do. I love every single book that she wrote, I really do. Flat-out series has been haunting every corner of my heart for like months after I read it (they still are…) in a sweet, sweet way. That’s why I did not even a bit of hesitating to pick up this book to my tbr list this January. But what I didn’t expect was… THIS SHOULD NOT BE THIS HEARTBREAKING I SWEAR I WAS THE ONE LEFT DROWNING INSTEAD OF BLYTHE MCGUIRE!!!!!

Blythe McGuire never thought she would be this crushed, flawed, and unsociable girl for four straight years. Well, she didn’t even think she would be healed for the next year or the next one or forever. Losing both parents in a tragic fire accident and having a brother who blamed her for things that she’d done for them had shaped Blythe into loneliest and most messed-up person ever be. Blythe never had any answers for her future, she lost hope, lost everything, hell, she lost almost everyone she loved! Could life be any crueler? Apparently, no.

Miracle called ‘Shepherds’ came along to her life in one fine day. Sabin, Christopher, Estelle, and Eric. They were all siblings who soon became a group of people that Blythe was finally brave to call ‘family’. She felt loved, she felt secured, and she felt real being with them. No one had ever understood her fully like they had. Even her brother never treated her the way Sabin pampered her like fragile porcelain doll. Soon, Blythe became part of them as they became part of her life. But however she could not deny that there was one of them who outshone the others and was actually the one who had lifted her from the drowning she’s in for years.

As the oldest, Christopher Shepherds always managed to take care of his younger siblings in every way. It was always like that ever since they were still kids. Even more when their mother died from cancer long time ago. Shepherds siblings might look just like other normal siblings. Solid group, tight chemistry, little brother’s problems. Well, they’re just like the other teenagers their ages. Blythe saw it too that even though she adored them, she couldn’t help but feel jealous over their deep relationship. Something that she lost somewhere with James, her only sibling, along with the death of their parents. But something beautiful outside is not always beautiful in the inside too. Chris could not deny that fact. As hard as he tried and shook it off, the dark ghost would just come back around and haunting his future. That’s why when the attraction happening between him and Blythe became stronger and deeper, he felt scared he had to restrain. Blythe didn’t think so, though. She recovered well enough, thanks to Chris. Surely, she could help him back with whatever he’s been dealing with, right? But what they might not know that whatever he dealt with could be something that break them apart more fiercely or might be something that could bond them tighter than before.

God, this story is so intense in every way. I would not dwell into the heartbreaking parts (I had enough, surely, you could see my intro? Yes, I definitely had enough). Instead I’ll talk about the other things. The characters are all amazing! Blythe is really tough girl. Truthfully, I was a bit indifferent to her in the beginning. I just thought like, ‘wow, what a really messed-up girl she is’. But slowly, Jessica Park made me love her by peeling the layers covering her inner identity. The tough, loyal, and caring girl. And as for Chris, *sigh*, Oh Chris… I kind of have a hate/love relationship with him. I loved him, I do. But every time I was reminded of his high level insecurity, I just felt bad, angry, crushed, stepped-under-iron-boots-crushed for him. I give thousand stars in the sky and sea to Blythe for her constant understanding and undying love for Chris. Chris was appeared strong and brave in the beginning, but as his dark past slowly revealed, he was shown a bit confusing I feel like banging my head to his so it could knocked some senses into his mind that he was the most adorable person who deserved loves from the whole world for his sacrifice, then I would (no doubt) kiss him better forever. Yes, that maybe could show much how I feel about Chris. And Sabin, oh God, Sabin!!!

I WANT A SABIN IN MY LIFE!!!

The other characters are all adorable. Estelle is funny as hell. Together with her siblings they made the most wanted siblings in the world!

Even though the heart-crushing scenes were everywhere, okay, I repeat it, EVERYWHERE, I found some dang funny scenes as well. This is what I love from Jessica’s books! Her jokes are so natural; it is just flowing in every corner. So, even when I had the ugliest tear-streaked face I ever had, I could still laugh and grin at some silly scenes. And the secrets and revelations, Jessica made a wonderful job putting all the scenes clicked in the right places!

I raised both my hands in the air and literally yelled in victory once I reached the ending. BECAUSE IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL I FELT LIKE KISSING SOMEONE’S FOREHEAD LIKE THOSE FOOTBALL PLAYERS DID WHEN THEY WON! No cliffhanger, I assure you. So, go ahead pick the book, box of tissues, and pom-poms for celebrating the ending. It’s just simple like that.

Anyway, while reading this I couldn’t help but making a mental playlist for Left Drowning. And I am surprised that all of them was Relient K’s songs. But when I listened to them again, yes, definitely, they really suit Blythe and Chris’s story so much! Here are some lines from one of the songs that really suits what Chris has in mind for Blythe in the end:

“And sometimes I think that I’m not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I’m even here at all

But then you assure me,



And when I think that I can’t do this
I’m a little more than useless.



And do something right
You promise me that I’ll get through this

Do something right for once”


― More Than Useless, Relient K (Album: MmHmm, 2004)

The whole playlist is here (I know maybe it was just me who think this playlist suits the book perfectly but I can’t help putting it here. I just feel like sharing… *curling up in bed*):

• Forward Motion
• Curl Up and Die (Oh God, this really suits the intense heartbreaking scenes!)
• Be My Escape (Somehow I feel like this is Chris’s song in his every despairs but he wasn’t religious, so yeah…)
• There Was No Thief (Chris’s song omg when he messed up a bit)
• At Least We Made It This Far (Blythe’s song for rooting her love for Chris)
• You’ll Always Be My Best Friend
• More than Useless
• I’m Taking You with Me
• The Best Thing 

So, yeah, no doubt, five stars for Left Drowning! 

Love, read, and review,

Cynthia D.

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Book Review: Flat-Out Celeste (Flat-Out #2) by Jessica Park

Flat-Out Celeste by Jessica Park

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Get a copy here!

AMAZON | BOOK DEPOSITORY

I LOVE THIS BOOK!

I FREAKING LOVE THIS BOOK THAT IT HURT WHEN I REACHED THE LAST PAGE

‘CAUSE I NEVER WANT TO STOP READING THIS!!!

Okay. So I meant it when I said I never want to stop reading Flat-out Celeste. I had to resist myself from reading this for the nth times. I’ve freaking fallen in love with Flat-out Love and Flat-out Matt. I had to go out with swollen eyes for two days because of the ugly crying I’d done the night before caused by those two books. But with Flat-out Celeste… I am not just in love with this book. I am freaking falling deeply-fiercely-awfully in unconditional love with it.

When I first met Celeste on FoL, I just fell in love with her character. Heck, I think the Watkins kids are all so loveable. Even Finn who’s not present on the book physically, I liked him a lot. I felt really bad for Celeste on the first book. So when I found out that Celeste has her own story, I was so eager to witness her happiness slowly formed. And damn IT DID BEAUTIFULLY!

Celeste has grown up into a beautiful and socially-still-awkward teenager. Her being genius and has a very unique way of speaking makes her classmates raise their eyebrows at her every moves. High school life is like her personal torture. She only wants to skip every day to finally enter the college that she believes will offer more friendly surroundings. Pulling herself away too long from social life for years has affected her behavior now. None of her friends want to really befriend her. Not the girls. Not the boys as well. The only friend who wants to talk to her is this cheerful pink-haired girl who likes saying ‘cool beans’. Celeste knows she has no hopes left in her last year of high school, both of having friends or some romance. Not that she cares anyway. She’s fine with how her classmates treat her. She always prefers being unnoticed and unaffected. But everything has limits. Celeste finally meets the day when she could no longer want to be unnoticed and could not help but affected by all the negative treats. Most importantly, she finally blurts out that she wants to meet someone romantically.

With her witty aura, she goes around ‘reinventing’ herself by doing some stuff like trying out yoga session and attending audition for a local band ―which both ended up in total failures. Matthew, her brother, always encourages her to not worry too much over everything especially over ‘the dating’ thing. But being Celeste, she will always be critical about anything, and that’s including ‘that one dating’ thing.

”You don’t need to give a crap about universal anything.

You give a crap when you have love that defies boundaries.” 

-Matt Watkins-

Justin Milano comes to her life in a rather unique way; well, as unique as his personality. Being that-one-different-friend in his own friends circle, Justin never cares about that. He won over his own demon long time ago. Meeting Celeste has brought a whole new experience of being loved completely. Justin found himself loved not just by his cheerful personality but also by the quirks as well. This is the first time and Celeste is definitely a very special girl. Her positive attitude is what he loves the most. Unfortunately, the girl herself could not see the special on her. Using his own past experience and with love that slowly but steadily grows up between them; Justin will do just anything to make Celeste see what he’s been seeing on her. The special Celeste, the loveable Celeste. Love will conquer all in the end, right?

“… I want to destroy anyone who has hurt you for a dumb reason like just being yourself. What? Do we want the entire universe made up of people who are all clones of each other?” 

-Justin Milano-

Good Lord. THIS STORY HIT ME IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES. Mind, heart, everywhere! I would never imagine Celeste to end up with anybody else but someone like Justin. I mean, Oh God, they’re just abso-freaking-lutely perfect for each other, DON’T YOU THINK SO??? Jessica Park is bloody genius for creating such couple that really different, unique, pure, cute, adorable, ultra-cute, sweet, omg did I mention ‘cute’ already? Just Celeste is enough for making me rate this book with thousands stars in the whole Milky Way but she just had to add Justin as well… with his speech about love… please, have some merci on me…

Ooo Celeste and Justin lookalike :); 
Source: Google (Not mine)

“… love comes from the way differences interact. How we bounce off of each other, challenge each other, and how we push and pull. It’s through those tensions that we connect with others and with ourselves. And that’s how we fall in love. Because there is magic in diversity.” 

-Justin Milano-

I’ve read and love bunch of young-adult romances in my life. But Flat-Out Celeste brings my taste to another level of loving YA-romance (and I don’t have any idea if there will be any YA books that I can put along with this awesome book, except, if Jessica decides to write another flat-out books…). The romance is really strong. Too strong. God, it’s too strong I would do just ANYTHING to have my own Justin Milano…

“Hey, Celeste?”

“Hey, Justin?”

“Are you all right?”

“Yes, I’m very much all right.”

“Then I’m very all right, too.”

God… can it be any sweeter? Yes, it can.

“Why are you nervous?”

He squeezed her hand. “Because I’m going to kiss you.”

A touch of a smile crossed his lips. “And I better do

a good job because I want you to like it.”

Celeste’s voice was shaky. “I feel sure that I will.”

“How could you know that?”

“Because it is you.”

Something a little bit cute-cheesy?

“You could wear a garbage bag, and I wouldn’t mind a bit.” 

-Justin Milano-

And for the final touch…

Justin : “I am falling so in love with you.”

Celeste : “I am, unequivocally and wholly falling in love with you, too.”

At some parts it was so dang funny I could not help laughing out loud. I really really reallyyy love Jessica’s writing style in Flat-Out series. The idea of Celeste’s eccentricities is so fresh. And I love it that Watkins family here was described happier. God, that reaction of Celeste’s parents whenever Justin’s around was so damn funny! But you could never miss the sad part in a romance book, so in Flat-Out Celeste, Jessica has provided enough tear-jerking and emotionally-touching scenes in several parts. I smiled, I laughed, I cried, and all the mixed-feeling happened when I read this book. Along with so many lessons that you could get from this book, it’s like a complete package you wouldn’t ask for more.

I never felt this happy writing a review before. I had so many things in my mind that was in the edge of exploding soon and I found it rather hard to put them into proper words. That’s why it took me so long to finish this review. Even after weeks, I could still feel my emotions jumping to every direction when I recalled every sentence of the book.

Every single stars in the galaxy for this book, definitely! 

Love, read, and review,

Cynthia D.

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Book Review: Halton Cray (Shadows of the World 1) by N.B. Roberts

Halton Cray by N.B. Roberts

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Get a copy here!

AMAZON | BOOK DEPOSITORY 

OMG.OMG.OMG.OMG!!!

Oh. My. God. 
Halton Cray is the best young-adult fantasy book I ever read my whole life!

Really. I’m not exaggerating things here. I’m stating the fact.

Truthfully, I am not really into fantasy or paranormal type of books. I love young adults, but I never really fancy those with fantasy feels inside. I did read several young adult fantasies that (mostly) contained forbidden love between human and mysterious characters but not even one has ‘kicked’ the romance radar inside me. Until Halton Cray.

Halton Cray is a love story that inspired by Charlotte Brontё’s Jane Eyre. I have to admit that this was the main reason I chose to add this book on my tbr list this December. The story started with the heroine of this book, Alexandra Turner, who was kind of ‘forced’ to work part time in a little shop inside Halton Cray, an old building that people believed was haunted by the former heir, Sir Halton Cray. All this happened so sudden and rather strange but she agreed anyway. Meeting an annoying stranger who turned out the curator in Halton Cray, experiencing eerie situations almost everyday, and having a boss who was obviously disliked her didn’t make brave-curious Alex to back off from working there. Later, she even found herself rather enjoying working there for some reasons... or a reason, maybe.

Thomas Rues was the curator in Halton Cray. In Alex’s eyes, Thom was the most irritating man she has ever met. Added with all those strange auras radiated from his direction, Thom became the most evitable guy in Halton Cray’s area. But there was something that oddly pulling Alex closer to him. Being Alex, she broke the spell people had encircled on Thom in her own way that blew away them both.

‘The toughest reflection is that of truth, which is only visible to some.’

God, I want so badly to write more about the story but I don’t know how without exposing some spoilers and I DON’T WANT TO. I want people to start reading this without any further information about the content because this book has so many surprises that will totally blow your minds!

I really had a high expectation on this book. And damn was this book beyond what I wanted! Every page had made me excited and wanted more and more. I felt like throwing my reader across the room and buy a new one everytime the scene became awe-freaking-somely mind-blowing. God, I love every single thing on this book. The characters, both main characters, are so lovable I want to ship them my whole life. Alexandra is one adorable stubborn girl with all her witty persona. Same as her, Thom is also damn witty even though he successfully covered it with his cold appearance. I really really reallyyyyyyyyyy loved the banters between them! Heck, it was damn funny! I had to suppress my urge to laugh out loud while my mom was around. Despite the horror-stricken scenes, I enjoyed every second of it a lot (although I had to read it during days instead of at night because yeah, I am just lame like that). The romance is so strong I LOVE IT!! Here is my favorite quote from the book:

‘Beware!’ spoke the amorous voice to Psyche in the darkness. ‘Beware, my beloved! Seek not to discover my true face or shape, lest thou shalt meet with a very great sorrow. For love cannot dwell where there is no trust.’

God knows what a sucker I am for romance and funny reads. Well, Halton Cray manages to give it all to me. The ending is something beyond your imagination and I LOVE IT SO DAMN MUCH!! Oh God, just how many I’ve said I love this book I just want to say it over and over again…

N.B. Roberts is so brilliant! The joke she slipped inside the story was so funny. The ‘Alex Turner’ one was so hilarious! I am still having a hard time believing this is her debut novel. HALTON CRAY IS DEFINITELY TOO FREAKING AWESOME TO BE A DEBUT NOVEL!!!

God, everyone should read this book! Like… RIGHT. NOW.

My most favorite part of this book is the chapter after epilogue: Excerpt. YES! Halton Cray is the first book of Shadows of the World series. This baby is gonna have a sister called The 13th Baronet. God, asdfhaghlsjdhfg I cannot wait!!

Love, read, and review,

Cynthia D.

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Book Review: All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

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AMAZON | BOOK DEPOSITORY

Stones are just stones and rain is just rain and misfortune is just bad luck.

Truthfully I don't know what to write in my review here for this book. I've never met a book like this ㅡthat telling a story set on long time ago during World War II; that telling every details of the war, the cities, the grief, the mess, the survivors; that telling a lot of agonies but didn't bothering; that telling very little romance yet I could sense the feeling about it is so strong. I'd hesitated several times before I decided to give this book a try. I'd read the blurb over and over again to convince myself that this book had nothing I ever wanted to read on a book. But the minute I'd met Marie-Laure, I'd fallen in love with this book. I'd become so obsessed over this book. On the first day of reading, I had to stop myself on chapter 48 because if I kept going I might skip my sleep. And today ㅡwhich is the day I finished the rest of the book in one sittingㅡ I skipped breakfast and lunch and only stopped five times to drink water because I was so eager to find the ending, yet in the same time I didn't want it to end soon.

All the Light We Cannot See is a really beautiful read. When the story began, it began with a simple background of each roles but somewhere raised a curiosity for the readers. In the middle, the feelings were all mixed up that several times I had to remind myself to exhale and the next time I felt grief, pity, and even smiled on certain parts. But when the story came to an end, it felt like the curtain closed as I turned the last page of the book, leaving me with a content feeling and mind full of imagination and yet it all seemed far and settled more as memories than a feeling. The ending not only concluded the story, but my feelings as well. And I'm glad for that because sometimes it felt uncomfy when the gloomy feeling caused by reading a book haunting you to sleep. But this book did a different thing. It offered a story full of complex situations, driving emotions up and down and in the end it settled down slowly and steady to a calm end, just like a cooling session. And now that I finished the book, I don't really feel sad or happy but more like feeling content in mind.
It is really genius to bring up the focus on these two main character, Marie-Laure and Werner in the middle of the war. How two people with different nations and a very short encounter yet had formed a very tight bound and... damn if it's not touching for anyone who reads this!
The words that Mr. Anthony had chosen were all so simple yet formed very beautiful and meaningful sentences. The metaphors and analogies he made are brilliance. And because I am a romance-freak, I noticed these several sentences which was formed ordinarily yet damn touching and heart-melting:

A shell screams over the house. He thinks: I only want to sit here with her for a thousand hours.

The window glows. The slow sandy light of dawn permeates the room. Everything transient and aching; everything tentative. To be here, in this room, high in this house, out of the cellar, with her: it is like medicine.

Her voice like a bright, clear window of sky. Her face a field of freckles. He thinks: I don’t want to let you go.

It was so simple and the farthest that a boy could think of about a girl who he just met less than a day yet it showed enough what his heart felt to her. Good God...

Well, I guess it will be a while until I will start reading a book again (because my poor eyes really need to rest right now as I write this review right after I finished the book) but as I said it before, I feel content to have read this deeply moving and beautiful book :)

Love, read, and review,

Cynthia D.

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Book Review: Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira

Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

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AMAZON | BOOK DEPOSITORY

Listened while reading: Hold on to Me by X Ambassador

Love Letters to the Dead is a debut young-adult novel by Ava Dellaira. As a debut novel, I must say that this book has reached beyond my expectation as a reader. I must say that I chose this book at first simply because of the interesting title and the cover that is really pretty, but once I finished I am so grateful that I’ve read such a beautiful story inside.

Love Letters to the Dead is generally a story about Laurel, a girl who is living a rough life as teenager with broken family, loss of beloved sister, and dark veil of abuse she once experienced. Unlike any other kids, Laurel comes to a teenager life without any stable adult to support her. Her mother left to California two months after her sister, May, died. Laurel lives with her dad who’s incapable of fully supporting her because he himself is still suffering from losing both her daughter and her wife that adjusting into a single parent life is way too hard for him. Her aunt Laurel lives with when she’s not with her dad is a strict religious woman who’s practically love spending more time talking about sins than being a supportive adult to an emotionally-unstable teen. Laurel spends most of her time being a quiet girl at school and a cheerful daughter around his dad. She eats her lunch alone on the fence and shyly taking a peek at the handsome mysterious boy called Sky. Until one day she found herself a group of friends who’s kind of weird and definitely not straight A-students but strangely she felt secure with them and able to talk to without worrying about the pity looks she always got when talking to other people. Despite the constant gloomy aura she got from her life at home, Laurel manages to find little happiness from her strange friends. Even though sometimes her friends got her into troubles, she is okay with that because she never feels blamed around them like what she always feels with her own parents. Laurel often blames herself for May’s dead and refuses to tell people the reason behind it. Eventually she herself was suffered and is still regularly having panic attacks whenever she encounters situation that triggers the past. Sky’s appearance in her life fills the longing feeling to be loved she feels all the time. But not only fills her life, Sky also makes her realize that secrets can’t be hidden forever, that sadness can’t be held alone forever, that she has to stop blaming herself forever.

'But we aren’t transparent. If we want someone to know us, we have to tell them stuff.'

The unique feature of this book is all the story above is not told like how usually a book is written. Love Letters to the Dead, just like the title, is a bunch of love letters to dead person Laurel used to love. Those letters were actually written firstly as an assignment for English class but Laurel poured her heart to the letters and starting to write a very personal side of her into the letter that there’s no way she could turn it in and let the teacher knows. Soon one letter becomes two then two becomes three that Laurel kept writing the letters for a month eventually. The letters are mostly addressed to her and May’s favorite singers, actress, and even to Laurel’s idol, Amelia Earhart. What makes it so good is that Ms. Ava didn’t just randomly choose the ‘dead person’ but every single story Laurel told on her letters actually has connection to the said person. I was surprised that even through the letters, the story is solid and the emotional touches are so clear that I couldn’t help crying in several parts. I really loved one letter addressed to Kurt Cobain where Laurel for the first time felt angry and mad at him for leaving in such a young age, describing the lost chances of being a father to his beautiful daughter, God that’s totally heartbreaking…

To tell the truth, I almost left this book unfinished after the first 20% part of the book. I stopped reading and called my sister to tell about this book that I had no idea where the story was actually led into and what point was being made here. Because, God, what I felt was only gloomy mood and a very down feeling that I felt like curling myself on bed unmoving all day. I personally hate a book that makes me feel gloomy and awfully down but with this book I had this expectation that there must be something behind all this miserable feeling –and I’m actually not kind of person who can leave a book unfinished forever.

And now I’m grateful I had that feeling to keep reading this book! All the miserable feeling is so worth to feel! I got so many lessons learned from this book. And I never met a book that I can relate so much with myself. Well, it’s not that I’m an abuse survivor or anything (and I have a very blessed and beautiful family, thanks God for that), but I really really loved the realization that Laurel reached by the end of writing all those letters. Here I picked my favorite line from this book:

'So maybe when we can say things, when we can write the words, when we can express how it feels, we aren’t so helpless'

God, God, it is so me! I’m not a really vocal person and sometimes I don’t feel like telling people what’s on my mind because in the end they will never fully understand what I really feel unless they experience it themselves. In the end they will just sad-smiling at us and put their hands on the back of ours as if implying that it’s okay to be sad and things will be alright. And we will smile back at them even though we know it’s not cause we just don’t want to be rude. But in this case, Laurel has Sky who’s been through a lot as well in the past so when she opened up to him, the feeling is equal…

The poem in the epilogue is so beautiful I cried a lot (and had to call my sister, again, to tell her how much I love her). I can feel how much Laurel loves her sister, May. The feeling was so real that I cried myself to sleep.

So, despite all the tears caused by this book, I’m going to say that I love this book! A lot. Reading Love Letters to the Dead is like looking back to the past when the first time I decided I love writing. Well, it’s not that I’m a writer now or what but I really love writing. And the reason behind it is clearly stated in this book. Ah, writing this review just makes me fall in love with this book all over again. I just hope that people who decide to read this book can see what I can see from this book. 

A beautifully written book with a lesson about accepting ourselves for who we are and getting over of blaming ourselves for what we’ve done.

I personally want to thanks Ms. Ava for such a beautiful book and I’m hoping to read more of hers in the future :)

'And maybe what growing up really means is knowing that you don’t have to be a character, going whichever way the story says. It’s knowing that you could be the author instead.'

Love, read, and review,

Cynthia D.

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