July 21, 2013

Personal Writing: Confession of Jealousy

It has been three days since that thing happened. Since I found out that stuff.
So, there is the girl I know. She is on last year of University, majoring Science. She is that kind of average girl. Well, I do not mean 'average' in a negative way. I mean, average like not that kind of popular, glamorous, princess-alike, genius -- type. She is ordinary. Just like me. I never know the differences between us both. But now I do. Cause she did it while I did not.
I found out that she is dating a guy now. A humble and handsome guy. I did say that she is 'average' right? But the fact, she is dating a very handsome guy now. They have been together since a year and half ago. Long enough. It sounds common, right? But one thing, she is not just dating a guy. She is dating a foreigner. A very handsome foreigner.
For me, it is like, wow. You know, I mean, I always see that a foreigner always dates beautiful girl. Girl with degree of beauty at least on the level Drew Barrymore. But this girl... I do not intend to say that she is not pretty or such. She is just very common. Very very common like me. Dude, you should see my selca! She is as 'common' as me. It is just that my skin is a bit brighter than her. Just a lil bit, 4% maybe.
But she dates him, that humble and handsome foreigner guy which as handsome as Jamie Cullum. Practically, I can say that she dates Cullum's doppelganger...
And that Cullum's doppelganger is a very humble and kindest person ever. The best point is she can not speak English. Can you imagine how could they communicate? And ever more.... fell in love?
I do not know what is wrong with my petite heart. It just can not accept the fact easily. I feel.. lost? I am not saying that I am better than her. I am just not different than her but she dates Cullum's doppelganger while I am dating my Xperia. Pathetic truth.
I kept on thinking about she must has something precious on herself that I do not have. I thought about it since the moment I knew the fact. It must be something.
I finally see something in her.
She is as humble as his boyfriend. And they shared same liking on a thing that I never put my interest into. Lord is fair.
Maybe I am smarter than her. Maybe I am able to speak in English everytime I want to. Maybe I have a cuter smile than her or have skin that 4% brighter than her. But that Cullum's doppelganger does not need them all.
She does not need to be pretty outside.
What he wants is just her pretty heart.
She does not need to speak English.
They speak with their hearts through their eyes.
She does not need to have cuter smile than everybody's.
He adores only her smile that comes straight from her heart.
She does not need to be up-to-date to the world's latest fashion, music, technology.. to the world's latest everything.
He only cares that they shared same interest in a simple thing.
She does not need to be a fashionable, princess-alike, glamorous, and genius type of girl.
He loves her for who she is.
These points are more than enough to shut my filthy mouth up. I might sound arrogant in the beginning (I know you did, it is okay), but when things I hate --every single thing that I frigging hate--, happened in the name of love, I can not bring myself to deny them. Like ever. Why?
It is simply because I believe in love.
I believe that love is pure enough to make that Cullum's doppelganger fell in love with a super ordinary girl.
I believe that love made them being their own selves.
Made her live on her own way.
Made him love her on his own way.
Actually I was still in a state where I could not accept this fact yet at the beginning. But by the end of this long confession of jealousy, I think I already brought myself to adore their beautiful love life.
I felt so relieved.