Book Review: Halton Cray (Shadows of the World 1) by N.B. Roberts

Halton Cray by N.B. Roberts

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Get a copy here!

AMAZON | BOOK DEPOSITORY 

OMG.OMG.OMG.OMG!!!

Oh. My. God. 
Halton Cray is the best young-adult fantasy book I ever read my whole life!

Really. I’m not exaggerating things here. I’m stating the fact.

Truthfully, I am not really into fantasy or paranormal type of books. I love young adults, but I never really fancy those with fantasy feels inside. I did read several young adult fantasies that (mostly) contained forbidden love between human and mysterious characters but not even one has ‘kicked’ the romance radar inside me. Until Halton Cray.

Halton Cray is a love story that inspired by Charlotte Brontё’s Jane Eyre. I have to admit that this was the main reason I chose to add this book on my tbr list this December. The story started with the heroine of this book, Alexandra Turner, who was kind of ‘forced’ to work part time in a little shop inside Halton Cray, an old building that people believed was haunted by the former heir, Sir Halton Cray. All this happened so sudden and rather strange but she agreed anyway. Meeting an annoying stranger who turned out the curator in Halton Cray, experiencing eerie situations almost everyday, and having a boss who was obviously disliked her didn’t make brave-curious Alex to back off from working there. Later, she even found herself rather enjoying working there for some reasons... or a reason, maybe.

Thomas Rues was the curator in Halton Cray. In Alex’s eyes, Thom was the most irritating man she has ever met. Added with all those strange auras radiated from his direction, Thom became the most evitable guy in Halton Cray’s area. But there was something that oddly pulling Alex closer to him. Being Alex, she broke the spell people had encircled on Thom in her own way that blew away them both.

‘The toughest reflection is that of truth, which is only visible to some.’

God, I want so badly to write more about the story but I don’t know how without exposing some spoilers and I DON’T WANT TO. I want people to start reading this without any further information about the content because this book has so many surprises that will totally blow your minds!

I really had a high expectation on this book. And damn was this book beyond what I wanted! Every page had made me excited and wanted more and more. I felt like throwing my reader across the room and buy a new one everytime the scene became awe-freaking-somely mind-blowing. God, I love every single thing on this book. The characters, both main characters, are so lovable I want to ship them my whole life. Alexandra is one adorable stubborn girl with all her witty persona. Same as her, Thom is also damn witty even though he successfully covered it with his cold appearance. I really really reallyyyyyyyyyy loved the banters between them! Heck, it was damn funny! I had to suppress my urge to laugh out loud while my mom was around. Despite the horror-stricken scenes, I enjoyed every second of it a lot (although I had to read it during days instead of at night because yeah, I am just lame like that). The romance is so strong I LOVE IT!! Here is my favorite quote from the book:

‘Beware!’ spoke the amorous voice to Psyche in the darkness. ‘Beware, my beloved! Seek not to discover my true face or shape, lest thou shalt meet with a very great sorrow. For love cannot dwell where there is no trust.’

God knows what a sucker I am for romance and funny reads. Well, Halton Cray manages to give it all to me. The ending is something beyond your imagination and I LOVE IT SO DAMN MUCH!! Oh God, just how many I’ve said I love this book I just want to say it over and over again…

N.B. Roberts is so brilliant! The joke she slipped inside the story was so funny. The ‘Alex Turner’ one was so hilarious! I am still having a hard time believing this is her debut novel. HALTON CRAY IS DEFINITELY TOO FREAKING AWESOME TO BE A DEBUT NOVEL!!!

God, everyone should read this book! Like… RIGHT. NOW.

My most favorite part of this book is the chapter after epilogue: Excerpt. YES! Halton Cray is the first book of Shadows of the World series. This baby is gonna have a sister called The 13th Baronet. God, asdfhaghlsjdhfg I cannot wait!!

Love, read, and review,

Cynthia D.

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Book Review: All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Get a copy here!

AMAZON | BOOK DEPOSITORY

Stones are just stones and rain is just rain and misfortune is just bad luck.

Truthfully I don't know what to write in my review here for this book. I've never met a book like this ㅡthat telling a story set on long time ago during World War II; that telling every details of the war, the cities, the grief, the mess, the survivors; that telling a lot of agonies but didn't bothering; that telling very little romance yet I could sense the feeling about it is so strong. I'd hesitated several times before I decided to give this book a try. I'd read the blurb over and over again to convince myself that this book had nothing I ever wanted to read on a book. But the minute I'd met Marie-Laure, I'd fallen in love with this book. I'd become so obsessed over this book. On the first day of reading, I had to stop myself on chapter 48 because if I kept going I might skip my sleep. And today ㅡwhich is the day I finished the rest of the book in one sittingㅡ I skipped breakfast and lunch and only stopped five times to drink water because I was so eager to find the ending, yet in the same time I didn't want it to end soon.

All the Light We Cannot See is a really beautiful read. When the story began, it began with a simple background of each roles but somewhere raised a curiosity for the readers. In the middle, the feelings were all mixed up that several times I had to remind myself to exhale and the next time I felt grief, pity, and even smiled on certain parts. But when the story came to an end, it felt like the curtain closed as I turned the last page of the book, leaving me with a content feeling and mind full of imagination and yet it all seemed far and settled more as memories than a feeling. The ending not only concluded the story, but my feelings as well. And I'm glad for that because sometimes it felt uncomfy when the gloomy feeling caused by reading a book haunting you to sleep. But this book did a different thing. It offered a story full of complex situations, driving emotions up and down and in the end it settled down slowly and steady to a calm end, just like a cooling session. And now that I finished the book, I don't really feel sad or happy but more like feeling content in mind.
It is really genius to bring up the focus on these two main character, Marie-Laure and Werner in the middle of the war. How two people with different nations and a very short encounter yet had formed a very tight bound and... damn if it's not touching for anyone who reads this!
The words that Mr. Anthony had chosen were all so simple yet formed very beautiful and meaningful sentences. The metaphors and analogies he made are brilliance. And because I am a romance-freak, I noticed these several sentences which was formed ordinarily yet damn touching and heart-melting:

A shell screams over the house. He thinks: I only want to sit here with her for a thousand hours.

The window glows. The slow sandy light of dawn permeates the room. Everything transient and aching; everything tentative. To be here, in this room, high in this house, out of the cellar, with her: it is like medicine.

Her voice like a bright, clear window of sky. Her face a field of freckles. He thinks: I don’t want to let you go.

It was so simple and the farthest that a boy could think of about a girl who he just met less than a day yet it showed enough what his heart felt to her. Good God...

Well, I guess it will be a while until I will start reading a book again (because my poor eyes really need to rest right now as I write this review right after I finished the book) but as I said it before, I feel content to have read this deeply moving and beautiful book :)

Love, read, and review,

Cynthia D.

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Book Review: Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira

Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Get a copy here!
AMAZON | BOOK DEPOSITORY

Listened while reading: Hold on to Me by X Ambassador

Love Letters to the Dead is a debut young-adult novel by Ava Dellaira. As a debut novel, I must say that this book has reached beyond my expectation as a reader. I must say that I chose this book at first simply because of the interesting title and the cover that is really pretty, but once I finished I am so grateful that I’ve read such a beautiful story inside.

Love Letters to the Dead is generally a story about Laurel, a girl who is living a rough life as teenager with broken family, loss of beloved sister, and dark veil of abuse she once experienced. Unlike any other kids, Laurel comes to a teenager life without any stable adult to support her. Her mother left to California two months after her sister, May, died. Laurel lives with her dad who’s incapable of fully supporting her because he himself is still suffering from losing both her daughter and her wife that adjusting into a single parent life is way too hard for him. Her aunt Laurel lives with when she’s not with her dad is a strict religious woman who’s practically love spending more time talking about sins than being a supportive adult to an emotionally-unstable teen. Laurel spends most of her time being a quiet girl at school and a cheerful daughter around his dad. She eats her lunch alone on the fence and shyly taking a peek at the handsome mysterious boy called Sky. Until one day she found herself a group of friends who’s kind of weird and definitely not straight A-students but strangely she felt secure with them and able to talk to without worrying about the pity looks she always got when talking to other people. Despite the constant gloomy aura she got from her life at home, Laurel manages to find little happiness from her strange friends. Even though sometimes her friends got her into troubles, she is okay with that because she never feels blamed around them like what she always feels with her own parents. Laurel often blames herself for May’s dead and refuses to tell people the reason behind it. Eventually she herself was suffered and is still regularly having panic attacks whenever she encounters situation that triggers the past. Sky’s appearance in her life fills the longing feeling to be loved she feels all the time. But not only fills her life, Sky also makes her realize that secrets can’t be hidden forever, that sadness can’t be held alone forever, that she has to stop blaming herself forever.

'But we aren’t transparent. If we want someone to know us, we have to tell them stuff.'

The unique feature of this book is all the story above is not told like how usually a book is written. Love Letters to the Dead, just like the title, is a bunch of love letters to dead person Laurel used to love. Those letters were actually written firstly as an assignment for English class but Laurel poured her heart to the letters and starting to write a very personal side of her into the letter that there’s no way she could turn it in and let the teacher knows. Soon one letter becomes two then two becomes three that Laurel kept writing the letters for a month eventually. The letters are mostly addressed to her and May’s favorite singers, actress, and even to Laurel’s idol, Amelia Earhart. What makes it so good is that Ms. Ava didn’t just randomly choose the ‘dead person’ but every single story Laurel told on her letters actually has connection to the said person. I was surprised that even through the letters, the story is solid and the emotional touches are so clear that I couldn’t help crying in several parts. I really loved one letter addressed to Kurt Cobain where Laurel for the first time felt angry and mad at him for leaving in such a young age, describing the lost chances of being a father to his beautiful daughter, God that’s totally heartbreaking…

To tell the truth, I almost left this book unfinished after the first 20% part of the book. I stopped reading and called my sister to tell about this book that I had no idea where the story was actually led into and what point was being made here. Because, God, what I felt was only gloomy mood and a very down feeling that I felt like curling myself on bed unmoving all day. I personally hate a book that makes me feel gloomy and awfully down but with this book I had this expectation that there must be something behind all this miserable feeling –and I’m actually not kind of person who can leave a book unfinished forever.

And now I’m grateful I had that feeling to keep reading this book! All the miserable feeling is so worth to feel! I got so many lessons learned from this book. And I never met a book that I can relate so much with myself. Well, it’s not that I’m an abuse survivor or anything (and I have a very blessed and beautiful family, thanks God for that), but I really really loved the realization that Laurel reached by the end of writing all those letters. Here I picked my favorite line from this book:

'So maybe when we can say things, when we can write the words, when we can express how it feels, we aren’t so helpless'

God, God, it is so me! I’m not a really vocal person and sometimes I don’t feel like telling people what’s on my mind because in the end they will never fully understand what I really feel unless they experience it themselves. In the end they will just sad-smiling at us and put their hands on the back of ours as if implying that it’s okay to be sad and things will be alright. And we will smile back at them even though we know it’s not cause we just don’t want to be rude. But in this case, Laurel has Sky who’s been through a lot as well in the past so when she opened up to him, the feeling is equal…

The poem in the epilogue is so beautiful I cried a lot (and had to call my sister, again, to tell her how much I love her). I can feel how much Laurel loves her sister, May. The feeling was so real that I cried myself to sleep.

So, despite all the tears caused by this book, I’m going to say that I love this book! A lot. Reading Love Letters to the Dead is like looking back to the past when the first time I decided I love writing. Well, it’s not that I’m a writer now or what but I really love writing. And the reason behind it is clearly stated in this book. Ah, writing this review just makes me fall in love with this book all over again. I just hope that people who decide to read this book can see what I can see from this book. 

A beautifully written book with a lesson about accepting ourselves for who we are and getting over of blaming ourselves for what we’ve done.

I personally want to thanks Ms. Ava for such a beautiful book and I’m hoping to read more of hers in the future :)

'And maybe what growing up really means is knowing that you don’t have to be a character, going whichever way the story says. It’s knowing that you could be the author instead.'

Love, read, and review,

Cynthia D.

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Poetry: Friends We Are (not)

Hello!

I recently joined this cool group on Goodreads called ¡ POETRY ! 

I was mesmerized by the awesome poets there and wanted to join/ruin the awesomeness with my crappy poem (okay, just laugh people, it's fine). I was tempted to submit my poem for December 2014 Goodreads newsletter (this is my second attempt) so I rummaged my old notebooks and found this poem I wrote back then when I was still in high school. I wrote them on bahasa so I translated them and made a change or two to some lines to make it 'shinier' lol...

Two wet eyeballs

Red pupils surrounded by black

He cries weakly, eyes to the sun

In silent I stay

Trying hard to grab him tight

But the sun’s shimmering down

Fast… fast like a light

No words sound fine

But I settle with one

Sorry, I’m sorry deeply

I give you my back when you ask my face, sorry

I leave you my scar when you ask a smile, I’m sorry

I toss you the candle when you ask for warm light, sorry

I take a step away when all you ask is for me to stay, I’m really sorry

It against my will, but

Why you let me anyway

When you stab my back, while I fight your reaper

When you dig my wound, while I call the clown

When you set me afire, while I fumble with lighter

When you proudly sing me elegy, while I hide to wail

That’s you

The more you push me, the meaner you make me

The meaner you got me,

That’s when we graft us with evils dressed like saints

Isn’t this what we want?

Let me be on my way,

I let you go through your way

Until the sun once again rises up

Until we harmonize in sweet rhyme

That we still want a label ‘friend’ each on our minds 

© 2014

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Book Review: Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Get a copy here!
AMAZON | BOOK DEPOSITORY

I was planning to settle down my emotional feeling first before doing the review but it just hasn't subsided yet since last night so yea... where do I start from?

I am a romance-addict and always fancy ones with happy endings. There were two or three books I've read with sad ending and I ended up hating the author for weeks. But things are different with Me Before You. I know. I've been warned by the reviews that this book was about awfully heartbreaking love story. But it didn't stop me from trying it out myself. I had this thing in mind before started reading: "This is a heartbreaking love story, don't expect for an ending that you want in mind". Yet, I still did.

I had several mini heart-attacks during my reading this book, like one on prologue, another ones on every chapter endings... But I haven't stopped hoping for miracle to happen (yes, I did, I know). I was so amazed at the way Jojo played with the readers' emotion from chapter to chapter. How she suddenly changed the point of view when things got interesting on the previous chapter and we were dying to know what exactly happened from Lou's or Will's point of view. I loved how she'd created every character in this book. Like, for Will Traynor, a once passionate man having a turning-upside-down life after an accident. He became sensitive and moody yet the gentle side of him still existed inside. It was finally brought out of him by a comfort-zone-lover, Louisa Clark. I really loved it when Louisa fired back every sarcasm that was thrown at her by Will. You know, that is actually the best thing to do when you're facing sensitive person who just has a big accident that change their whole life. Don't accept their sarcasm but be sarcastic with them.

Reading Me Before You has given me so many things to rethink about in life. I found myself thinking back what I've been doing with my life these past 22 years, what things that I've been avoiding in life, what things I've actually been wanting to do in life but never done. Like Louisa, by the end of the book, I am intrigued to take a step out of my comfort zone. To do anything I want, to go anywhere I want, and never bother to think what people would say about me.

In the end, Will Traynor wasn't just helping Louisa Clark to do better in her life, but me as well.
I never really am affected this much by a book before but Me Before You has changed my point of view of life that I've been leading on these years.

So, even though the ending of this book was not kind of ending I always fancy from romance book, I am completely satisfied that I found this book and chose to read it. I also learned a lesson that this book has shown me what a real love story actually happened around us. Not everything ends with happiness, but the sad end is not always the bad kind of ending. It is not the start or the result that matters, but the process in between does.

I am so glad I came across this book and I am totally grateful for Jojo Moyes for writing this wonderful book, for creating Will Traynor who I've oddly fallen deeply in love with and Louisa Clark who's been showing me what should be done to make the person you love happy even though it means breaking your own heart (Yes, I did take out this italic sentence from the blurb of this book).

So, definitely five stars for every aspect of this book!

p.s. Here are several parts where my sobbing turned into an ugly real crying last night.

When I finally spoke, my voice was a small broken thing. What emerged was the only thing I could safely say."I missed you".

I realized I was afraid of living without him. How is it you have the right to destroy my life, I wanted to demand of him, but I'm not allowed a say in yours? But I promised.

So I held him, Will Traynor, ex-City whiz kid, ex-stunt driver, sportsman, traveller, lover.

'...I am conscious that knowing me has caused you pain, and grief, and I hope that one day when you are less angry with me and less upset you will see not just that I could only have done the thing that I did, but also that this will help you live a really good life, a better life, than if you hadn't met me'.

'You are scored in my heart, Clark. You were from the first day you walked in, with your ridiculous clothes and your bad jokes and your complete inability to ever hide a single thing you felt...'

Love, read, and review,

Cynthia D.

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Poetry: Time

So, I was inspired to write this poetry by the latest post of my idol Wuyifan on his instagram. It's been a while since he last updated his account so I was kind of hysterical when I first saw it. He only said one word: 'time' and it was enough to drive me insane because.. HELLO? It's been centuries since we, the meigeni, heard about him and here he is only saying one word on his comeback. I then decided to write a poem about it. Well, at last knowing he's not leaving his instagram account (which would definitely making us Int'l fans freak out and clueless) is enough to make me happy. And he's so cool in that photo so he's forgiven anyway <3

As you chose your way

I think you wanted to be away

Along with you, my all hopes and dreams, drifted away

I was praying to God you’d come back someday

I was on my knees crying and murmuring

your name on display

All I could think of was you don’t appear at day

Nor night whenever I did my pray

I could only blame time in this play

I was not ready when you were all brave and challenged

I just hoped you don’t leave but then again, who am I to command?

Again, in time I put the sharp blame

I kissed the air in order to breathe your scent

I was all fire and in a total upset

But again, this is you on set

I breathed in, I have fallen for you I swear 

And again, blaming time felt so fine

I have waited for you

Still waiting, my heart’s crew

My purest little dew

Time, all the blames, that’s your due

But then it all happened so suddenly

You came back, sounded so softly

Smiled heartily

Oh boy, I miss you and it’s a lofty

You said ‘Time’

What’s with time?

It’s on the blame, right?

'No', your voice was strong

I pursed my lips, baby you’re wrong

'No', again you said, 'time wasn't on the blame, isn't and won't be'

‘Time was hard, but it moved forward and dragged me along to fight and see’

‘Time led me to another realization, that things that we were, are never always the things we later will be’

‘Time broke us apart for a moment, only to let us meet again in a much better shape’

'I did leave, but not leaving you'

‘I just need my time to bend and all prepared for you’

‘Time heals, remember?’

‘It did, that’s why I’m here now’

‘To witness your every brave moves, to reply all your sweet I-love-yous, to appreciate all the ever so pretty twinkling stars, my every you’

I put a hand on top of my lung,

it’s pounding fast and you know why.

I’m sorry. Time it is.

Time heals, even to my liver.

I inhale your smell and eyes set to your eyes, flicker.

Indeed, this is the man I love for forever.

© 2014

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Personal Writing: A Respect to Decision Makers

People made decisions everyday. Some did it good. Some didn't. Some went through so many things to get into the final decision. Some just had the idea popped up on their minds during shower. I am not different either. 

The first ever decision that I made on my own was when I had to choose the major in University. Ever since I was in elementary school I just went with the flow of my surroundings. Like when most of my friends chose to continue their studies at 'A' Middle High, I did too. Same things happened when I chose Senior High School. I just never really had my own preferences back then. I simply thought that what most people chooses is what best for me as well.

So, during my final year of high school when we had to make our decision to choose what major we'd be learning, I chose to be different. When most of my friends were fighting for medical science, I chose this one Engineering Department for good. And as much as confident I were when choosing this, I had my ups and downs that sometimes led me up to the boredom and even regret.

There were days when I felt so blessed that I chose this faculty because of so many good things and exciting experiences happened to me. I did regret once, but it was not to the extent I wanted to restart everything all over again. I just wondered what if I chose another faculty and so on. But I never really wanted to leave what I started. I am not that kind of person. Well, boredom might come once or twice. It is natural since we're all human who has limit to everything. We just need to take a deeper breath, get over it, and continue where we had paused. 

Back to making decision, it is never an easy thing to deal with. Like I said, some people might went through so many things just to make sure they chose the right flower to brighten their loved ones. To make such simple decision, they gave it all their best. I appreciate that kind of people a lot. For me, they seem taking things seriously, not just seeing it as some random things they're dealing with.

I, myself, always make a decision in a serious way. I considered so many things before coming to the final choice. Sometimes people might see me as a person who didn't make her decision seriously. People can judge, but they would never know what made me choosing this path I am walking on. They might think I carelessly made my way but I know what I do, and I know I have God with me in every decisions that I made. I respect people's opinion because I believe every human being has their own preferences and says. But I respect myself more and I respect the opinion from the people I love. I make my decision based on what my heart and soul feel right, based on what people I love say what fits me better, upon my continuous prays and hopes to God. Those three things, I believe will always lead me into making the best decision for my life.

The reasonings behind every decisions are going in a various way and as mysterious as one's heart, I don't think we have the rights to judge whether it's good or bad. We will never know what made them choose their way unless we ever been in their shoes and see from the same spectacles. Well, who knows that the decisions they made may not be the ones they want as well but under some circumstances, they have to choose that way. So, isn't it better to let people has control on their own lifes as long as they don't cross the boundaries as well? Just, you know, as the respect to every decision makers out there.

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Dukung Perbaikan Pendidikan Indonesia Lewat Bisnis Indonesia Writing Contest 2014!

Pagi dunia!
Sudah cukup lama tidak posting dalam bahasa (baca: bahasa Indonesia), jadi agak bingung mau menulis dalam bahasa baku atau tidak, ha ha.
Sejumlah postingan saya terakhir tertulis dalam bahasa Inggris. Sebenarnya bukan karena tidak suka menulis dalam bahasa, Tetapi hanya ingin sekedar melancarkan kemampuan menulis dalam bahasa asing. Jadi maklum saja kalau postingan-postingan tersebut kelihatan 'amatiran' dan grammar-nya kurang sempurna. Paling tidak, saya sudah mencoba.
Kali ini, saya tidak menge-post tulisan-seperti yang biasa saya tulis. Saya sedang mengikuti kontes menulis di Bisnis.com. Ada beberapa tema yang diangkat dan kebetulan saya memilih tema 'Membangun Pendidikan'. Bukan tanpa alasan, saya memilih tema ini karena didorong oleh keprihatinan terhadap dunia Pendidikan Indonesia yang masih perlu (banyak) perbaikan. Artikel saya dalam kontes ini membahas tentang kondisi dunia pendidikan Indonesia yang memiliki dua sisi berbeda. Bumi dan langit, istilah yang saya gunakan. Saya berangkat dari membandingkan dua sisi tersebut lalu menganalisis penyebab perbedaannya dan mencoba memberikan solusi atas fenomena tersebut dari kaca mata pandang saya, seorang amatiran di dunia pendidikan (maklum, titel saya juga masih satu). Mungkin solusi yang saya beri belum tentu merupakan solusi yang tepat, tetapi artikel ini saya tulis dengan tujuan sebagai bahan renungan kita semua atas pendidikan di Indonesia yang tidak hanya masih memerlukan banyak perbaikan, tetapi juga memerlukan perbaikan yang tepat. Akan sangat bagus sekali apabila teman-teman memberikan komentar di akhir artikel saya pada link berikut Bumi dan Langit Pendidikan Indonesia sehingga kita bisa mendiskusikan gagasan-gagasan yang lebih tepat lagi untuk kemajuan pendidikan di Indonesia.
Apabila artikel saya berkenan di hati teman-teman pembaca atau mungkin teman-teman sejalan dengan pemikiran saya, mohon bantuannya untuk mem-vote artikel saya tersebut. Voting bisa dilakukan di akhir artikel dengan meng-input karakter captcha dan meng-klik tombol submit vote. Jika berkenan, teman-teman dapat juga menge-share artikel ini melalui account jejaring sosial seperti facebook, twitter, linked in, ataupun google+ melalui tombol ikon di samping artikel untuk mengajak lebih banyak orang untuk turut membaca renungan ini dan menyumbangkan gagasannya.
Mungkin menulis artikel tentang pendidikan dan saling membagi inspirasi seperti yang saya dan teman-teman lakukan ini amatlah sederhana. Tetapi dengan kesadaran untuk melakukan hal-hal kecil dan sederhana inilah, kita sudah dapat memupuknya untuk berbuat hal berguna yang lebih besar lagi untuk kemajuan pendidikan Indonesia ke arah yang lebih baik.
Setiap orang punya keterbatasan masing-masing. Pada saat ini, saya belum mampu untuk mewujudkan dukungan saya terhadap perbaikan pendidikan di Indonesia dalam kancah yang lebih luas seperti turut urun rembug dalam menyusun sistem pendidikan bersama dengan pihak pemerintah. Tetapi at least, saya mencoba untuk mendukung dengan cara lebih sederhana, menuliskan artikel renungan dan (Insya Allah) inspiratif ini untuk membantu memberikan gambaran mengenai fenomena-fenomena di dunia pendidikan Indonesia dan membangkitkan kesadaran dini bagi masyarakat luas untuk turut menyumbangkan gagasannya bagi pendidikan Indonesia yang lebih baik.
Last, every big thing starts with a simple one. Ayo dukung perbaikan Pendidikan Indonesia dimulai dari hal kecil!
Click, vote, dan share link berikut Bumi dan Langit Pendidikan Indonesia 
^^

Posted via Blogaway

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Personal Writing: Silly I know, but.....

Do you ever fall in love...

So deep that your heart can't stop pounding so fast only by seeing her/his face on the photo for the very first time?

So deep that all you could think of what is she/he doing at the moment you think of them even though it was only 1 hour since you first know her/him?

So deep that you spent all night reading her/his writing-everything somewhere and still can't get enough that you want to spend another night doing the same thing?

So deep that you cry upon her/his every writing, no matter what the content was, you cry because her/his beautiful chosen of words, you cry picturing her/him on your mind writing those things while thinking and blinking her/his eyes sometimes?

So deep that you can't even control your tears and still crying silently though you already reached the posting date section on the bottom of the posts?

So deep that it is suffocating you just by imagining the so-little-possibility day you finally able to meet her/him in person for the first time?

So deep that you are able to ignore it when your music player shuffled to rock and instrumental melody minutes to minutes, even crying when the rock music played?

So deep that you don't even care even if your top 10 favorite biases present in front of you cause you prefer closing your eyes, picturing her/him in your mind?

So deep that you just wanna do, choose, use, love, read, listen to, write what she/he does, chooses, uses, loves, reads, listens to, writes too?

So deep that you can't help but feeling scare, worry, and insecure whenever she/he mentioned other guy's/girl's name because strangely you want her/him just for yourself only?

So deep that...

you don't even realize that you did all those things above because of someone who only God knows whether she/he aware of your existence because you both never meet each other like ever before?

Boo me, I do now.

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Personal Writing: Me Today: Realization

Dejected feeling I feel all the time

I enter a whole new part of my life. I am no longer those girl with reports on my hand running here and there yelling 'deadline-deadline' crazily. I don't chase the campus bus anymore because run out of time. I don't stress, stay up late at night in front of computer, sleep secretly during class, or skip lunch because all the stupid waitings. It is no longer part of my life now. But I miss those already. It seems like it was just yesterday I entered the campus life. Now I already leave them all behind. I am not a student anymore, I got heavier responsibility now. Those two letters submitted in the end of my name look so beautiful yet, idk, strangely weighted? Sometimes I feel kind of proud, most of the time I feel annoyed. Those two letters prevent me from acting silly (which is real me), it makes people avert their looks at me like, 'dude you're not a kid, cut the act!'
That annoyed me sometimes but I know it's time. It's that time of moment when people migrates to the next step of their life. It's my turn now. At first I was so excited that I couldn't stop making future plans of my life. Different versions each day cause it is just too much I wanna grab at once. But apparently I was not ready. I don't know why. It was just, I think I'm not mentally prepared. I can't help feeling anxious all the time. I kind of become so sensitive upon my surrounding. One time I really want to have a decent job and build my carreer path. The next day I gave up because I think I messed up my job interview. Minutes later I want to continue my study and pursue master degree. But next thing I did was just sitting on the edge my bed, wondering if it is my true passion then burying my face on the pillow drowsily, ready to sleep any moment. I seem like can not find my right path, what I wanna do in my life. Is it normal?

The lazier I get, the worse this stupid worries attack me. I don't like this. But yet, I have no idea how to fix this. What a confusing human being, I am..
At this rate, I just missed my friends so much. My childhood friends, middle school friends, high school friends, even current friends.. all my friends. I will start logging in my social network account that has been left for some good times in order to know how they've been. I want to chat them, I want to have a long talk about our long forgotten memories, I want to at least say hello to them.
But apparently it was not my day. Instead of being able to exchange hellos, it turned to be my crybooster (if this word even exists...).
Why?
They all have changed. Not in a bad way, I said. But they,.. idk, they found their path of life already? Some had been working for some times, others are working on their master's degree life, some even got married! It is not that I want to follow the latter ones, fyi, but what does matter... they ALL seemed to know what will they do with their only once life. Then again something crawls in, dejected feeling. And I didn't know I can be more depressed than ever.
My true passion, where should I find them?
I have so many things in mind right now though I am not sure whether it is really really my true passion. But I think I know where the problem lies here.
The problem lies on my so called heart.
Yes, it is true. I think to have so many things I want to do in the future is normal. It is called.. excited? Well, passionate maybe? It is good, isn't it? Now the problem is, what I've been calling.. not mentally prepared yet. Until when will you stay in this state? The moment I took my very first step into university, I should've been prepared. Because that was when you choose what you're gonna be later. When you took your first step to Engineering-related major, it most probably you chose to be an Engineer or at least to be someone who has a tough job, physically-mentally. You should've known that. That not-mentally-prepared, it sounds mostly like an excuse.
A lame excuse to cover dark side of you who is not dare to take a risk.
There, I said it.
Sooner or later those dark side will cover all your heart and mind and you will end up being a complete loser. I always be that one person who is left behind cause I am too scared of taking risks. It doesn't sound like fun.
Then go change. Change yourself!
People changed, then why can't you change?
Go erase that worries and scares buddy. It is not too late to do so. The late is never exist for the change. Of course you can't change what in the past, all the stupid doings you did on the past. No need to regret it too.
Things won't change once you regret it, right?
Who cares what stupid things you did on the past. People tends to forget their past faster, especially the bad ones (though people also tends to remember the others's bad past but that's different case, if you know what I mean). So, all you have to do now is to shush away that lame mental. It is hard, but you know, as time flies, what was once hard will turn into the easy one. It is natural.

Well, guess what people. I wrote this at first because I thought it would help to ease my uneasy deeds inside a bit. You know, sharing the bitterness. But as the words flow away, I guess I hit the realization button. Wow, what magic did writing do to me. I guess I should write more then~

Posted via Blogaway

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Personal Writing: I (Wish, I) Met You IRL

Hi! Been a long time, huh? I am not going to make any excuses why I didn't post anything these past several months cause I did reason out often. Lol. I just rummaging some folders on my phone and I found this writing from November last year. I am pretty sure I was about posting it right away after I finished it but apparently did not. So I am thinking about posting it right now. I think it's kinda cute. It supposed to be posted on November 6th last year. Kris's birthday. But posting it right now won't harm either I guess, so here it is.. ^^

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I went to LAX yesterday. It was for meeting someone I like. I had no idea who’s that person, I just waited for him. I stood in front of the main arrival gate. International arrival gate. He must be from abroad. But actually I had no idea how come I could be in LAX, while I’ve never been in LA before, like ever. But yeah, there I was, waiting for someone I don’t know in the place I’ve never been before. There were some girls who was waiting with me there. Those cute type girls who has been constantly appeared among crowds whenever some idols go to an airport. They were wearing such a cute dress, pony-tailed, or wavy hair with cute rainbow bandana. They looked so chic yet elegant. I wasn’t realized what I was wearing until I saw my reflection on the mirror. I was wearing piped jeans with simple t-shirt and opened shirt on the top of the t-shirt. Really casual, I guessed. But I don’t know why, I had an idea that this style was his favorite, that guy I’ve waited for. Oh how I feel like Joah on Jae Bum’s music video.

I stomped my feet on the ground lightly, with both hands inside my jeans pockets. There was no sign that he would appear anytime soon. And out all of sudden, something in the air came out of the gate. Like balloons and fans.

What the hell, I thought.

But it was not strange for the others. Those cute girls were surrounding me out of sudden and tried to reach some that flew by us. I did the same in the end and got some balloons. The balloons were really cute, it has furs on it and very fluffy. I felt like snuggling my face on it. Suddenly a girl came out and told us that today was free balloons day at LAX. They even gave out some chocolates. I tasted one, it was extremely sweet and nice. Confusing for me since I was never been a fan of chocolate. The giveaway event lasted for some good minutes before the crowds dismissed and just like before, it was just me and some girls who waited in front of the main gate.

I was still in the middle of chewing the chocolate when I heard people whispering from behind. I turned my head and two girls kept whispering to each other while one of them pointed out my direction. I thought it was me but their sights were not directing at me. I turned my head back and finally understood what those girls meant in the first place. In front of me, there was a guy, a tall guy wearing black jacket with grey t-shirt under the jacket. He was so tall that I thought I was standing in front of a wall. It was because he stood only some good centimeters in front of me. We were that close that some girls joined the first two girls I noticed, giggling and whispering something over him. I looked up and he looked down on me. He was wearing black spectacles and I noticed his blonde hair parting right in the middle.

What a weird hairstyle, I thought to myself.

I never really like that kind of hair style. I even used to hate them for some reasons. I was about to stepped aside since he was blocking my way by standing in front of me like that.

I was here to wait for someone, I thought, and obviously it was not this guy who’s standing right in front of me at this moment because I swore to myself I never met him before.

Right when I stepped to my right, he took a step to his left so that we were practically standing next to each other again just like before. I wanted to take a step aside again to my left but I heard he voiced out,

“Don’t even think to step aside again”.

His voice was cold and thick. Those type of voice that left big impression during speech contest. It somewhat made me stood still. I was too afraid to do anything and just stared blankly at his face. I saw his right thick eyebrow went up a bit.

Is he angry?, I thought to myself.

It was so wrong. Me, being afraid in front of a stranger for no particular reasons like this was ridiculous.

“I.. actually you, you’re kind of blocking my way that’s why…”

“I’m not. I never be”, he just cut my words by his short sentences.

“But.. you are.. I’m waiting for someone now, and he might be already come at this very moment but you blocking me this way would make him not seeing me”, I just blurted it out.

Then he giggled.

Wait what?

He was giggling at me. It was obvious. He even put one of his hand to cover his mouth.

This is stupid, I thought.

Suddenly I heard a ‘click’ sound inside my head. His voice was so familiar. Too familiar that I was so comfortable talking to him. I looked up at him again. He stopped laughing already.

“You really don’t know, do you?”, he said.

My head was doing quick search about his voice.

It must be somewhere I met him before… or heard him before… but where?

And next thing he did, shocking myself out.

He took his spectacles off while grabbing one of my hand.

“It was me who you’ve been waiting for all this time. Got it now?”, he said that lightly but I was just too shock to answer…

He was Kris.

That guy who I have waited for almost an hour was Kris

That guy who were standing in front of me and even playing stupid step move with me was Kris.

He was Kris Wu all this time.

I felt my body became light all of sudden and everything was so bright that it hurt my eyes. I didn’t remember anything then. Next thing I knew, I was sleeping next to my phone with happy birthday, kris written on the screen. And it was nowhere near LAX.

Oh, what a stupid dream, I laughed to myself. 

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