December 27, 2011

Favorites: The One That Got Away

Lately Ive been listening to the same song everyday. Well, you saw the title above. The one that got away by Katy Perry. I listened to it and paid so much attention to the lyrics inside. Well, Katy Perry’s song always hit me with the same feeling. Her songs always have the same, what I call, same condition? Whatever. There was always the girl crying, loving, begging, or wishing for a guy. Sometimes it feels like the girl seems so pathetic. But sometimes I feel that what we call love. The girl has big love for the guy that shes been crying, loving, begging, or wishing for. And this song, the one that got away, left me with the same feeling. Some of my friends call her songs are perfectly fits bitches. Well, you saw the video clips then got the point. But I got the point here. Maybe the girl is a bitch but shes got a big and pure love for the guy. This is what I call true love.
I always love this part:
And in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in other life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away
I have a feeling that she’s being so honest to say that I want to exactly be your girl, I want to absolutely make you stay, I want to certainly make the promises never be broken by us two. Well, this is how I perceive it. The girl really want to be the one who say that her love never be the one that got away, though I guess that was the guy whos being so rude, leaving her like that.
Well, guess I talked too much. It’s already 1 am but this song keeps playing on repeat in my head. Even the lyrics completely stuck in my head. I gotta be honest, I love this song.

December 9, 2011

Personal Writing: Heaven Doesn't Seem Far Away Anymore

Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore.

That’s part of Ron Pope’s A Drop in the Ocean lyric.
Well, and it makes me think like maybe i feel something. I mean, I don’t want to say I’m falling in love or such thing cause I am not. It’s just me, feeling different. Well, a guy, (once again I warn you, I am not falling in love or whatever you called ‘em), just listened to that song. A Drop in the Ocean. I never hear that song. So, I go to the search box and typed the title. The song playing on repeat right now in my room. It’s a love song, broken hearted actually. Idk, the lyric told us about a guy who really loves a girl till he feels like the girl is his only destiny in life. ‘till he said that she’s his only heaven. So heaven doesn't seem far away anymore. It’s right in front of him. The girl. Is it too much? I guess no. We ever fall in love. And when you go that way, it’s normal to say that kind of ‘over expression’ words, right? Oh just admit it.
But I dont want to talk about love. I said I am not goin that way.
Back to the guy who just listened this song. He is an idol. Well, a singer, exactly. He loves to share his interest of music or anything else. And his taste of music is great, I think. I love the ones that he loves. I listened to the song that he listened. Sounds like a follower? Yes, I am. Makes no sense? No, I guess. This is what I want to tell you. I kept following what he did. Well, listening to the same song, trying to love the same thing. Just want to ask: Am I that obsessed? Err, that one, I can’t answer. For the truth, I never really think about it but tonight, well, this late night, idkw, I am thinkin about it. Too much. I am like, Is it okay for me to go this way? way too obsessed? Is it good? Or does it affect me in a bad way? Or good way? Idk. These questions suddenly come to my mind like the rain falls. God.
Then, back to the song of Ron Pope. Maybe I feel different cause of this song. Well guess the lyric fits me a bit. On the 1st line,
Just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert.
Well, yeah, was praying that might end up together but it feels like wishing for rain on the desert. Just like me. And the guy. Ha ha ha. How come the lyric doesnt fit me perfectly whereas it fits me right when I looked at him. It’s in the end of line. That..
Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore
Okay, I am too much.

December 7, 2011

Random: Breaktime Killer

Been so long ya.
I very am busy like ppl on wallstreet. Seriously, I’m busy. Doing this, that, everything. Busy like theres no time for me just to take a breath. Okay, its too much.
But idk, this time I really want to write something on my blog. Maybe I’m too much interest wit my new acc on tumblr. I kept reblogging and posting everything on it and slowly leaving this blog. But, for the truth, I really dont want to.
Tomorrow, like everyday on the past. A lot of assignments, a day full of classes, and every campus ‘thingy’ gotta force me to stay there till about 6pm. I dont want to saying something like, “God, i dont want this anymore” or whatever it is. I just think that, well, a guy ever said to me that life is hard or in bahasa, it is “Hidup Itu Keras”. Yeah, hes totally right about it, eventhough I know he never really right at other things.
Life is hard. It suddenly becomes such a tagline of mine. I could see a picture of me with that tagline under the pict and I was like, “Yeah” with such a ‘metal’ style. Crazy me.
But sometimes I really want to push the pause button. Like, pleasee God, let me doing other things that belong to my favs. And I am now. I have a lot of assignments for tomorrow but I prefer doing this than that. Ha ha. It’s rude.
But yeah, love it or not I gotta do that thing, the assignments I mean. Because things that you postpone, love it or not, theyll just stay there waiting for you. And you, whatever happens, gotta face them.
Yeah, I gotta face ‘em. My breaktime killer.

November 1, 2011

Drawing: Summer in Seoul


I tried to sketch the cover of Summer in Seoul by Ilana Tan
I did it with pen cause I couldn't find any pencil everywhere. But the scanner did good, made it looks like I drew it by pencil. :)


p.s: I'll do the rest of novel's cover. Its kinda funny doing some drawing like this :)

When Every Season Have Their Own Story

I read some novel lately.
For the truth, I never really love novel written by Indonesian author. Idk why.
Then my sister brought all these novels to me. 4 novels. Written by Indonesian author, Ilana Tan.
1st time I found my self impressed by the cover of all these novels. Especially, Summer in Seoul. All these books have story that connected each other. I mean, its not like to-be-continued story but tends to like there are always such a red thread that leads you to the next book. Well, something like that.
There are four titles, Summer in Seoul, Autumn in Paris, Winter in Tokyo, and Spring in London.
I have finished reading it all. Are they good? Yes. Definitely. I'm not trying to promote Ilana Tan's novels. But just so you know, she wrote all these stories with her heart. Because when you read it, youll find yourself involved in, literally. You gonna feel the sadness, the togetherness, lost, happiness, feeling of falling in love so deep, well, everything from these books. Ilana knows exactly how to make you curious, hurt, giggle, blushing, suffering on the same time.Thats a great writer. I guess what Ernest Hemingway said perfectly fits Ilana.
“All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you and afterwards it all belongs to you: the good and the bad, the ecstasy, the remorse and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was. If you can get so that you can give that to people, then you are a writer.”
I cant tell you how the story are. You have to read it by yourself. Cause I'm not a good storyteller, I just gonna make the story sounds terrible for yall. :)

September 17, 2011

Personal Writing: Lost

Lost.
People lost things everyday. Some never got it back, but some did.
I lost a thing today. My cell phone. Well, mayb it’s not the best phone I ever had.  But I never lost a cell phone before. Idk when it was lost, it’s just lost.
Well, mayb its such a warn. I never treat my stuffs well. I left it everywhere I stay. I dropped it to the floor all the time.
Maybe there will be no “mr simple” playing on repeat every 5am.
Maybe I could never see that red thing again. My Nessi.
I should have said thanks to God. God warns me through this phone, literally.
I thanks God its not the other things.
Well, wherever you are my Nessi. Just so you know, I miss you so.

August 18, 2011

Personal Writing: Getting Older Beautifully

I’m getting older day by day, like today, I’m officially getting 1 yr older than before. Sad? Lil bit. Happy? REALLY! Idk, I know everybody doesnt want to gettin older (but they do, of course), but gettin older for me means so deep. I gain more trust and responsibility. It is not that bad, you know. Do not see thing from only a side, you’re not a kid. Trust, you get this, you gonna get a bunch of good friends. You’ll get such a feeling, always happy, feel comfort everywhere you stay. Responsibility, although heavy enough to maintain it but if you managed to do it, you'll get what you want. Honor, as a small example.


Well, I wont speech like I did yesterday, ha ha. I just wanna say a really BIG thanks to my Lord, Allah SWT for everything that You give to me. Mom, I do not know when I could return her affection. I never know. Gave birth to me, risking her life for my life. Dad, that took care of me but I’m such a stupid lamb, never realized how big his heart to keep me with patience. Sister and Brother that, well, youre mean sometimes but I know you both love me this big. And life, that I live with my reckless (Oh, God I’m so sorry) but I promise I won’t be that way anymore.
      
Today, with the number 19 is perched on my shoulder, I’m tryin to appreciate my life. And love it too. Because, well, you can not even create a life for an ant.

Happy Birthday, girl! You are loved and I know, you are good girl in a good place :)

August 17, 2011

Personal Writing: INDEPENDENCE DAY OF INDONESIA

August, 17th

Today is the independence day of the country where I’ve been stayed since 18 yrs ago. Indonesia. An archipelago country in South East Asia. Indonesia has so many natural resources but yeah, not the human resources. Well, we’re famous with that statement. But it’s been 66 yrs, don’t we want to change the statement? Don’t we tired of listening to it? Don’t we?
Well, not easy to invite all the people here to change. Back up to the 66 yrs ago! Take a breath is even very difficult before the August 17, 1945. We had no choice except involving ourselves in mass torture committed by the invaders. Look now, even it’s us who take over what invaders did, colonizing nations themselves.
I’m not in the middle of a independence day speech like what Mr President always do every yrs. I am just, well, trying to give my opinion on my own beloved country. I love Indonesia and I want it to change. Been 66 yrs ago and it’s still few of the things improved. The moral? I don’t have to say anything, you’ve seen.
Today, I pray to Allah. May Indonesia always stands still, keep growing, improving, and realizing that we are very rich in nature so we have to do a little more big step to give a change to this beautiful country. I know You love this country, You just want us to change ourselves 1st before You ‘change’ it.
So today, with all the love inside my heart, I say Happy Independence Day to you, Indonesia. I believe we can!

August 11, 2011

Favorites: The Remains of The Day

I just read a novel. Written by Kazuo Ishiguro, well, I first found out about him after I watched a movie titled Never Let Me Go that apparently wa based on a novel by him with the same title. Its perfect! I mean, The Remains of The Day (well, Never Let Me Go is perfect too). Great, I cant find right words to describe. It is totally perfect. In its own way. When I read it, I could imagine the village, the big houses, Darlington Hall with all the history in it, the scenery of the dock when it came to the night..

Indonesian version of The Remains of the Day titled 'Puing Puing Kehidupan'
Source: Me :)
I just want to give an advice: If you really love Great Britain and the way people talk there, well, just READ this book. You gonna love the choice of words that Mr. Kazuo used here. Trust me :)

July 23, 2011

Personal Writing: BEST DAY

Best day. People explain best day in so many ways. Some say best day is when they got a new job, or when they got such a promotion. Some say best day is the day when they meet half of their life, when it comes to the time for saying single vow of the marriage that theyve been dreamin of. Some say best day is day when they were one sec close enough to a car accident and saved by God. And some say best day is the day when they got a very big smile along that day. The point is, thats when everythin’s in the right way and they feel happy for it. So do I. I got a very much explanation of best day. I think its best day when I spent a full day wit mom and dad talkin about us. I think its best day when I could finally bought a book that I’ve been dyin for. I think its best day when I felt so comfort wit my pals and they felt the same way too. I think its best day when I met the guy that I’ve been watchin and found him looked at me then smiled. I think its best day when the cosmological coincidence got me met the right person. I think its best day when I knew I made an A in my fave major. Well, I describe best day based on how big smile that I got on my face that day.


Like today. I guess its a very best day of my life. Well, best day EVER. About 4 months ago I started a lab* called industry statistics. Its a very difficult lab to do. I mean, with all the regulations and the terms proposed and the report should be completed in just two weeks. It really hit my body and soul. Its really hard, you know. But Alhamdulillah, big thanks to my Lord. Today it all ends wit a big smile on my face! It TOTALLY ENDS today! YAAAY! I cant believe finally we came to the summit of all the stuffs. VERY BEST DAY. God. Youll have no idea how hard our efforts during this. It was superb! and when today comes, well, BIG thanks Lord.
Once again, I had a BEST DAY of my life. Mayb some say its not really ‘best’ but for me, Its wonderful! Like taste Swiss chocolate and theres noone to stop you. GREAT! I’d like to thanks to my friends from VII-B team. Youre the man, guys! Thanks for made it up, thanks for keep fighting with me till the end. Ha ha ha, This may be quite excessive and stupid, but I had fun with you guys and will miss the days when we felt stuck togetha and laughed to each other silliness. We’re friends and we’re totally a mess! x)
Well, i’m so happy, i’m totally glad. I think relaxing time is coming. I’ll do a very quality time on my own. I, well, need SLEEP! Lol :D

*) laboratory, one of Industrial Engineering Dept.'s most important activity.

July 16, 2011

Favorites: The Holiday

movies_holiday

“I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms.”

July 11, 2011

Random: I Made The Story Tree (out of a Drama) :D

I spent this afternoon watching tv that showed korean serial. idk what the title is (and then i googled it, and found out that the title is You Are My Destiny, it took 20 minutes you know). i just watched. that was the same serial that i watched 3 days ago. watch it twice and i know the plot already. its unique, you know. if you watch it, you'll find its a very related story. i mean, one role wit the others is just so connected. when you knew that the “X” works at Mr Y’s office who has a fiancee named, lets say Mrs C, several minutes later youll know that Mrs C’s dad is step son of an old woman who lives with that X. weird, but funny. everybody is just soo connected. when it came to the credit title, i immediately took a paper and pen then began drawing. drawing? yea, i drew such a map of that serial’s storyline. i’m a weirdo? just say it. just so you know, i was too much curious what it looks like when i drew it all on a paper, the connection, i mean. 10 minutes elapsed and i giggled at myself. here it is..

Source: Me (obviously)
 
Ha ha ha, complicated huh? dont worry, just look at the inset that i wrote in the lower left. just zoom it if you cant read it. i tried to do my best wit the scanner already. anyway, i made up the name of the casts. not the original casts name. i didnt up to something, i just have no idea about their names, its in korean, i didnt get it. the only name that i know is the main cast, the girl whos one of Korean’s popular girlband called SNSD, Yoona, her cast name is Jang Sae Byuk (am i right?). youll find theres Diana Agron. Ha ha, I feel like i’m a bad girl. I have no idea, you know. the cast look a lot like Diana, the girl from Glee TV Series.
well, its just me who made it up. dont take it seriously, i mean, if you found theres a name that you know, sorry, its accidental. okay? :D

July 7, 2011

July 3, 2011

Personal Writing: Something Terrible Called Secretly

Well, something happen with my heart lately. Idk what it is. It just feel like always pounding so fast. It might be a disease but i'm not that sure. Something happened but I know, in a good way. My heart beating so fast when it comes to the right time, and place. When sound of the winds played slowly and peacefully fillin up my own lungs, thats when my heartbeat increase and idek if its gonna turn slow. You know, even its beating so fast right now.
I'm listening to Here I Am by Keenan, Tamra, David Morales. I love this song and the beat, its like cause my heart beating faster than before. Do I had such a heart disease?
Oh dude, if you know whats the reason behind it all, i bet you gonna say you had a heart disease. Please, dont scream, I know you will.
I'll tell you why,
1st, It's all because I'm in love
2nd, It's all because I'm in love... secretly
SECRET-ly. Its not beautiful or something else that you feel when you are really in love. I mean, cmon, its happen secretly, you do it secretly. Youre just in love in your own world, smile at your own face, laughin at your own silliness, weeping for your loses alone. Everythin that you do when the label "secretly" is on, well, you do it alone. Its crazy. But I'm on it.


The heart still beating so fast, it keeps beating till I realize I got tears in the corner of my brown eyes.
I hate the moment like this, in love so bad, but, secretly

June 24, 2011

Personal Writing: Cosmological Coincidence

See the title above? Well, if you read Raditya Dika’s MMJ you’ll know what it means.
Cosmological coincidence atau kebetulan kosmos adalah kebetulan yang dirancang oleh alam semesta. Bagaimana akhirnya dua orang bisa bertemu dan menciptakan sejarah baru adalah suatu kebetulan yang ga akan pernah kita tahu bagaimana awal mulanya. Pada awalnya sih aku ga pernah benar-benar menyadari bahwa semua pertemuan itu bisa jadi adalah kebetulan kosmos. Sampai several days ago, pengalaman memperjelas definisi ini.
Kebetulan itu terjadi dengan sangat aneh. Mungkin saja suatu hari kamu sedang duduk di sebuah coffee shop saat tiba-tiba seseorang tanpa sengaja menjatuhkan dompetnya karena banyaknya barang yang dibawanya, dan kemudian di lain kesempatan kamu duduk di coffee shop yang sama bersama orang tersebut seraya tertawa dan berkata, “ ..aku masih ingat dompet biru kamu jatuh di sebelah sana..”
Atau mungkin kamu memang sudah lama mengharapkan seseorang tersebut bakal say hi ke kamu lalu yang terjadi di hari berikutnya adalah kalian ada di satu meja yang sama dan having lunch together.
Semua itu pernah terjadi pada kita dan bahkan tanpa kita sadari, ‘kebetulan’ itulah yang akhirnya mempertemukan kita pada apa yang kita sebut destiny. Takdir. Cinta.
Kenyataannya, Dika benar. Pertemuan dua orang yang akhirnya jatuh cinta memang hal yang paling menarik untuk diceritakan. Bagaimana segalanya yang konyol waktu itu bisa jadi sesuatu yang membuat kita menangis tak henti beberapa tahun kemudian. Kita ga akan pernah tau siapa saja yang akan kita temui keesokan harinya. Mungkin siapa yang kita temui besok ternyata adalah orang yang nantinya akan menjalani hari tua bersama kita di teras rumah dengan dua cangkir teh bertulis papa dan mama. Kita ga akan pernah tau semua itu, kita ga akan pernah tau apakah orang yang bersama kita sekarang adalah orang yang “diizinkan” untuk mencintai kita. 
Pada akhirnya, kita berharap cosmological coincidence bakal mempertemukan kita dengan orang yang tepat. Namun pada dasarnya kamu ga bisa hanya sekedar berharap karena sebetulnya ‘kebetulan’ itu juga ga akan selalu bekerja kalau tidak ada efforts. Maksudnya, kalau kamu memang berharap cosmological coincidence akan terjadi di antara kamu dan orang yang kamu inginkan, maka berusahalah agar itu terjadi. Berpikirlah positif dan melangkahlah dengan menurut hati dan logika yang baik.  Karena langkahmulah yang akan menuntun alam semesta untuk menuntun orang tersebut menuju ke suatu titik yang sama denganmu yang disebut pertemuan.
Yang aku alami sendiri adalah murni kebetulan kosmos. Aku bahkan ga pernah membayangkan sebelumnya bahwa itu akan terjadi. Tapi saat konspirasi alam akhirnya terjadi, aku ga bisa menghindar dan pada akhirnya, pertemuan terjadi. Tidak begitu lama tapi rasanya aku tau bahwa aku bertemu orang yang tepat. Tepat dalam banyak hal. Dan yang lebih ‘kebetulan’-nya lagi semua itu terjadi di hari yang sama dengan rusaknya mood-ku. Jadi, cosmological coincidence ini seolah telah dirancang dengan sedemikian rupa untuk membalikkan mood-ku yang hancur menjadi, well, sempurna.
Senang? Who doesn’t?
In the end, this cosmological coincidence finally leads me to such a new section of my life. I thank God and the universe for making such a lovable thing like cosmological coincidence. Cause when I thought something never walking in my lifecycle, then it is.
Dan saat orang membaca postingan ini, jangan berpikir bahwa aku jatuh cinta.
Aku hanya masih bertemu dengan orang yang tepat.

June 19, 2011

Personal Writing: Silliness I’ll Miss That Much

11:51 pm
got a bad sore throat, can’t close my eyes, my bed doesn’t feel comfort as usually.
tryna to remember what happened today, nothing special but I enjoyed it anyway. had a post test today of manufacturing process laboratory at 2 pm. but i did come to campus at 8:30 pm. there was something that forced me to come at that time.
well, i thought i’ll b in a very boring time but I was totally wrong. I walked to the 2nd floor then met 3 of my pals. we’d some chit chat instead studying for the post test. we talked about us, about life, about well, everything. then suddenly i thought i’ll miss the hours like that someday. i’ll miss us, i’ll miss the stupid conversation, the bench where we’d sit and talked about our silliness, the laughs that seems like won’t stop. we’re the sophomore and we act like the elementary students. it’s so stupid and i’ll miss it so much.
after the graduation 2 years from now on (amen) i won’t stay in Medan anymore. gotta back to my hometown. gotta back to the city where I used to be.
sometimes i think, i did meet so many people in my life and i’ll always do. friend, best friend they came everywhere I ever stayed. but as time goes by, one by one they slowly began to disappear from view but remain in my heart. i’m not in a middle of sayin such a cliche thing but it’s so true. i never really forget all friends that ever be by my side. i’m not that kinda person.
well, its a quarter after midnight, I guess i’ll go to sleep
tryna to think about life that I live here, I hope i’ll dream about tomorrow, when everything seemed so comfort and warm inside-outside. i guess it always be.

June 12, 2011

Favorites: Waiting For Forever


'Some day you will find me
I haven't gone too far
I miss the way we were back then
How we laughed
I can feel you in my heart
There's a world in your eyes
I can see it getting brighter
All the hours that we turned into days
We were young seemed like life would go on last forever
All I had was you by my side
Some day you will answer
Remember how we were
When all our hopes and dreams
Floated in the air I feel it in my heart
I can feel you in my heart
That's the way that it was in the past you remember
When we ran through the wind and the rain
We were young seemed like life would go on last forever
Now everything has changed'


Worlds Apart by The Mostar Diving Club

Damn, I cried during the movie played.

Personal Writing: Beginning-Ending Theory

Today, something figured out.
Well, actually I knew that. I even experienced it by myself. Its been a long long time but I still remember how it goes.
The beginning-ending thingy is the point. Sometimes you hear some say perfect beginning gonna lead to perfect ending. It's not true, sometimes. But most of all, it is not. Sometimes, you see the very perfect beginning of something in your life and you do really believe its gonna be long last and will b alright whatever it takes. Like in a relationship. But in the middle of that something you'll gradually see that its not as easy as you ever thought. 

This afternoon, once again, it revealed. Two humans were in love, deeply in love. Thought it won’t end. But it is. When one of ‘em finally found that the other one never really be deeply in love with their self. One will say, “suck, you lied to me!” when the other one say, “suck, you caught me”.
Were gonna have a feeling like,”I am so stupid. I should've known that somebody’s lying to me. It was so clear, I’m just too blind to see it cause that somebody was shining so bright right into my eyes. I’m deeply in love with that one but why it should end up like this?”
Instead, its a good way. I mean, the break means the ending is not perfect. But you’ll see, its good for you. Good for your heart, good for the future you gonna live in.
Today, something figured out: you better have a lame beginning with perfect ending than perfect beginning with lame ending. Trust me.

June 8, 2011

Random: Here You Are, Mr Cold :)

Its already 0:38 am here.
I got a bunch of exercises to do but it’s not the right time. I feel, err, lost?
No, sometimes I feel like theres a big hole in my heart, doesnt mean my heart got porous. But it feels like I’m losing something but I’m not exactly losing something, physically. Final test day 2 will b held tomorrow but I have no interest to open the books and read something about that major.
So, I turn my laptop on, and browse my blog. God, it’s like cosmological coincidence! Here he is. It’s been 2 months, I’d never be here in the same time with him. But I am now. I’m so glad, I even can’t describe how it feels inside. It’s like the big hole meets the fillings. He’s like, coming and complete me tonight. I am so happy having this little time to spend with you. I know youre so far far away, its miles away so far from the place where I stay right now, but you know what, I can feel you. You are there, doing your work and all that great things or mayb watching movies, idk, but youre ‘on’.
Well, now it’s time to confess something to you.
I deeply missing you. Madly wishing you always b here. I know it’s stupid but it’s normal cause I’m falling for you. Idc if you dont know what I feel inside cause idec if you are. Cause the point is, I’m in love with you and it’s enough. I dont want you to stay by my side. I just want to see you around, even if thru the screen but it’s okay for me. Well, thankyou for coming to my screen tonight. You are loved, you know. You dont have to feel like youre alone there.
I desperately miss you.
It’s already 0:59 am. Cant believe it took 20 minutes to write this down. What a shame. Well, see you thru the screen, I have to sleep, and you, have a nice lunch! :)

June 7, 2011

May 14, 2011

Personal Writing: Thanks God, That Day is Over

I was half sleepy every time it came to an afternoon. I got music played surrounding me. It was Sara Evans. A Little Bit Stronger. I listened to this song and found myself giggle at the lyric. Well, my mind flew over the past time, to the day when this song was like a perfect fit to my days, days when I ended up that thing. I remember, I was worried thinking that once the whole thing was over, I could never be the same. In fact, that whole thing is over and I am still the same, literally. I am still human, I am still breathing, and I am still the same person like I've been before. But sometimes, it is kinda funny, remembering that I've once ever been in a strange love and I turned into a Taylor swift girl (I mean, like always happy, sometimes crying, but deeply in love with somebody). Here is the lyric of A Little Bit Stronger. Well, I am stronger, not a bit though. It's so much :)
Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger
Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby
And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Well, I never really put thing like this seriously. I mean, it is over and I never want it back. But remembering that day when I got somebody else to talk with is quite funny. I knew I was so stupid, even look silly. hahaha. Thanks God, that day is over, that day is over, and I'd never look back. :p

May 8, 2011

From Ashton Kutcher in 'No Strings Attached'

Source: soulfulcaptivity @tumblr
I was shooting a scene in my new film, No Strings Attached, in which I say to Natalie Portman,
“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”
I began to think of all of the billions of intimate exchanges sent daily via fingers and screens, bouncing between satellites and servers. With all this texting, emailing, and social networking, I started wondering, are we all becoming so in touch with one another that we are in danger of losing touch?
It used to be that boy met girl and they exchanged phone numbers. Anticipation built. They imagined the entire relationship before a call ever happened. The phone rang. Hearts pounded. “Hello?” Followed by a conversation that lasted two hours, but felt like two minutes and would be examined with friends for two weeks. If all went well, a date was arranged. That was then.
Now we exchange numbers, but text instead of call because it mitigates the risks of early failure and eliminates those deafening moments of silence. Now anticipation builds. Bdoop. “It was NICE meeting u.” Both sides overanalyze every word. We talk to a friend, an impromptu Cyrano: “He wrote nice in all caps. What does that mean? What do I write back?” Then we write a response and delete it 10 times before sending a message that will appear to care, but not too much. If all goes well, a date will be arranged.
Whether you like it or not, the digital age has produced a new format for modern romance, and natural selection may be favoring the quick-thumbed quip peddler over the confident, ice-breaking alpha male. Or maybe we are hiding behind the cloak of digital text and spell-check to present superior versions of ourselves while using these less intimate forms of communication to accelerate the courting process. So what’s it really good for?
There is some argument about who actually invented text messaging, but I think it’s safe to say it was a man. Multiple studies have shown that the average man uses about half as many words per day as women, thus text messaging. It eliminates hellos and goodbyes and cuts right to the chase. Now, if that’s not male behavior, I don’t know what is. It’s also great for passing notes. There is something fun about sharing secrets with your date while in the company of others. Think of texting as a modern whisper in your lover’s car.
Sending sweet nothings on Twitter or Facebook is also fun. In some ways, it’s no different than sending flowers to the office: you are declaring your love for everyone to see. Who doesn’t like to be publicly adored? Just remember that what you post is out there and there’s some stuff you can’t un-see. But the reality is that we communicate with every part of our being, and there are times when we must use it all. When someone needs us, he or she needs all of us. There’s no text that can replace a loving touch when someone we love is hurting.
We haven’t lost romance in the digital age, but we may be neglecting it. In doing so, antiquated art forms are taking on new importance. The power of a hand-written letter is greater than ever. It’s personal, deliberate, and means more than an email or text ever will. It has a unique scent. It requires deciphering. But, most importantly, it’s flawed. There are errors in handwriting, punctuation, grammar, and spelling that show our vulnerability. And vulnerability is the essence of romance. It’s the art of being uncalculated, the willingness to look foolish, the courage to say,
“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

Favorites: 4 Movies I Have To Watch This May

Well, I’m a movie freak. I love the one with love, fight, and thoughtful plot involved in it. Love, such never let me go, beauty and the briefcase, a crazy little thing called love, or something like the tourist and inception. Inception is not about love but worththinking, I mean, people need their genius brain to watch this movie. From all good movies that I've found in some sites of movie, here’s the list of movie that I have to watch this May (take a look, maybe there's your fave too):

1.      No Strings Attached
It has been played since about several months ago (I know that so) but I didn't have any spare time to go to the cinema and watch this movie and anyway, I think the cinema on this city didn't have NSA on their screen to play. 

No Strings Attached movie poster
Well, it’s about Adam and Emma, they're friends and hardly tryna to keep their friendship away from something more physical. But as time goes by, they know that this relationship needs something more than just what friends “do”. 

Adam and Emma
Adam and Emma
And after all the things that happen between ‘em, the have to face one rhetorical question: “Can you just have sex, without love gettin in the way?”
Some say the movie friends with benefits have a very same plot with NSA,

Friends with Benefits - No Strings Attached
but yeah I prefer this one (read: NSA) cause, for godsakes this one has Ashton Kutcher on it! Lol~

2.      Something Borrowed
One night I go online and accidentally found this movie synopsis in a site I forgot the address. It’s kinda touching and romantic and I think, worthwatching.
Something Borrowed movie poster
“It’s a thin line between love and friendship

Back to the old thing: Love and Friendship and the conflict between ‘em. I haven’t see the trailer so I don’t know exactly what movie said so. So I brought the synopsis from a great site, called: Rottentomatoes
'Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin) is a talented attorney at a top New York law firm, a generous and loyal friend, and, unhappily, still single-as her engaged best friend Darcy (Kate Hudson) is constantly reminding her. But after celebrating her 30th birthday, perpetual good girl Rachel unexpectedly ends up in the arms of the guy she's had a crush on since law school, Dex (Colin Egglesfield)...who just happens to be Darcy's fiancé. As one thing leads to another in the frantic weeks leading up to Darcy's wedding, Rachel finds herself in an impossible situation, caught between her treasured friendship with Darcy and the love of her life. Meanwhile, Ethan (John Krasinski), Rachel's constant confidante and sometimes conscience, is busy evading the affection of Darcy's hopelessly love-struck friend Claire (Ashley Williams) while harboring a secret crush of his own; and the charming and irrepressible Marcus (Steve Howey) has designs on Rachel that don't necessarily exclude any other woman who catches his eye.'

3.      One Day
They have Jim Sturgess and Anne Hathaway in the same movie! What a movie! I love ‘em both, so much. So it’s like a miracle when I found this movie and look at the cover with their name on it. Great!

One Day movie poster
The story starts with the college life of Emma (oh, the name again) and Dexter. After spending the night together on the night of their college graduation, Dexter and Em are revisited each year on the same date to see where they are in their lives. They are sometimes together, sometimes not, on that day.

Fanart by Epiclyenchanted @tumblr
One Day Book Cover

It based on novel with the same title which is published on 2009. God, I need to find the book, too. But, many people say Anne is just too perfect for this story, umm, where did it go wrong? I really have to watch this movie.

4.      The Tree of Life
Tree of Life, very wise title. It’s a family drama movie staring Brad Pitt (Oh, they must be a very lucky family). But Jack, the son of the family is not lucky having him as his father. He learned a very different thing form his parents. His mom taught about love and mercy while dad talked about how to put ourselves first of anything, The story ends in hope, acknowledging the beauty and joy in all things, in the everyday and above all in the family—our first school—the only place that most of us learn the truth about the world and ourselves, or discover life’s single most important lesson, of unselfish love. 


The Tree of Life movie poster
Unfortunately, it’s still an upcoming drama film. And the good news, the film is scheduled to premiere In Competition at the 2011 Cannes Film Festival.

That's the list! Great great movie, I wish I have any spare time to watch these four movies. Starts from tonight, I’ll go watch NSA, 1st :)

May 3, 2011

Favorites: The Ballad of Mona Lisa

'Say what you mean, tell me I'm right. 
And let the sun rain down on me. 
Give me a sign, I wanna believe'
Well, I do really love every song by Panic! at the disco! They're genius in music. The way they play their songs, its kinda strong, gorgeous, smart, and beautiful. And this song, one of their perfections from the album "Vices and Virtues", their 3rd album. It's, well, more than awesome!

April 22, 2011

Personal Writing: Twelve-minutes Dream: My Breathtaking Man

Entah kenapa akhir-akhir ini aku sering tertidur tiba-tiba dan bermimpi dalam tidur yang sekejap itu. Bukannya aku begadang semalaman sampai aku tertidur di pelajaran kesayanganku atau aku kelebihan asupan karbohidrat saat makan siang sampai-sampai melewatkan penjelasan dosenku tentang pengisian trial balance. Aku tertidur begitu saja, tanpa sebab, misterius sekali rasa kantuk yang kuderita belakangan ini. Aku tak tau bagaimana awalnya tapi tiba-tiba saja aku sudah berada di padang ilalang setinggi pinggangku. Dan perasaanku lantas menjadi… aneh? Entahlah, rasanya antara bahagia, was-was, takut, berlubang (terserah bagaimana kau mengartikannya, yang pasti rasanya seolah hidupku berlubang), dan sedikit kehilangan arah. Bila kau kesulitan membayangkan bagaimana rasanya, well bayangkanlah kau kehilangan cinta pertamamu.

Lalu angin berdatangan dari segala penjuru arah membuat tanah di bawahku serasa bergetar tanpa aku tau sebabnya. Dan aku ingin berlari tapi langkahku tercekat oleh sebuah bayang semu di depan gate keberangkatan bandara (bandara? well, ini mimpi. semua hal aneh seperti gate keberangkatan bandara di tengah padang ilalang yang kosong, tentu saja, dihalalkan). Bayang itu menatap tajam tepat ke dalam pupil mataku. Bukan! Bayang itu menatap tajam tepat ke dalam hatiku. Tapi rasanya bukan menatap tajam dengan sadis atau apalah istilahnya untuk jenis tatapan jahat. Tatapannya antara memohon, meminta maaf, dan sedikit menyalahkan. dan pada detik berikutnya aku ingin sekali berlari ke arahnya tapi angin mendadak menjadi dua kali lipat lebih kencang dan aku terjatuh di antara ilalang. Selanjutnya yang masih dapat kulihat hanyalah ilalang saling bertautan dengan alaminya. Bayang itu entahlah, tak terlihat lagi dan yang terjadi berikutnya aku menangis begitu pilu. aku takut kehilangan bayang itu, amat sangat takut sampai tangisku tak bisa berhenti. Aku merasa sangat bodoh dan rasanya aku ingin pingsan saja. Aku ingin pingsan saja.

Tapi sedetik kemudian bayang itu menjadi begitu nyata di depan mataku. Bayang itu punya dua mata yang sangat indah, berwarna coklat dan tajam sekali. bayang itu juga punya hidung yang lekuknya amat sempurna seolah Sang Maestro menumpahkan segala kesempurnaannya pada bentuk ini. dan bibirnya, bayang itu punya bibir tipis dan merah muda, yang membuat siapapun bakal rela melompat dari ujung niagara falls hanya untuk dapat menyentuhnya. Aku tak sedang bermain dengan majas hiperbola, tapi bayang itu, well, hampir sempurna.

Untuk pertama kalinya jantungku berhenti berdetak. Dan entah dari mana asalnya, Teenage Dream versi Darren Criss terdengar sayup-sayup di sekitarku. Detik itu yang aku tau, rasa takut dan was-was tak beralasanku tadi lenyap begitu saja. Detik itu yang aku tau, hatiku yang berlubang telah menemukan penambalnya. detik itu yang aku tau, tangisku berhenti tak bersisa. Detik itu yang aku tau, angin-angin kencang itu bukannya membuatku jatuh tapi membuatku menjadi spotlight segala ilalang yang menjadi penari latarku. Detik itu yang aku tau, bayang itulah alasan ini semua terjadi. aku, masih terduduk di tengah ilalang dengan ujung-ujung rokku yang terpilin kecil-kecil. Dan bayang itu, duduk di depanku dengan jarak tiga jengkal menatapku begitu dalam. Breathtaking scene. Aku perlu tiga kata untuk kukatakan. Aku-butuh-oksigen. Aku tak tau harus melakukan apa, sampai dia menyentuh ujung jariku dan aku tau aku harus menatap balik ke dalam matanya.
Bernapaslah”, ucapnya. Aku sudah lama tak bernapas.
Jadi kukatakan, aku tak bisa. 

Seketika itu bayang itu menjadi suatu bentuk nyata, seseorang yang telah hilang begitu lama, pria sempurnaku. Semua terjadi begitu cepat dan lengannya sudah melingkar di leherku dan aku bisa mencium parfumnya.

Bernapaslah
“Aku takkan bisa”
Itu salahku
“Bagaimana bisa ini salahmu?”
Aku membawa napasmu pergi denganku
“Tapi, mengapa?”
Karena aku tak sanggup bernapas hanya dengan napasku saja saat kau tak bersamaku”
Bernapaslah, aku tak akan mengambilnya lagi darimu”
“Kau bisa mengambilnya, aku tak membutuhkannya lagi”
Kau butuh napasmu”
“Tidak, aku tak butuh napasku. Aku sudah punya kau”

Napasku sudah kembali, tapi aku tak perlu menghelanya. Napasku sudah kembali dan aku tengah memeluknya.
Menit keduabelas telah berakhir. Aku memeluknya erat-erat dan segalanya menjadi bergoyang di pelukanku. Aku menoleh dan teman-temanku tengah tertawa dalam diam. Aku tertidur 12 menit.

April 18, 2011

April 17, 2011

Personal Writing: What's Love?

“You’re everyminute of my everyday..”
Saat mengatakannya, seolah-olah ia adalah segalanya. Padahal aku tahu, he’s just an ordinary boy. Tapi inilah yang terjadi. Saat sesuatu yang bernama cinta itu datang, everything’s changing and I don’t feel the same. Dan aku mulai berpikir, he’s mystery, he’s from outer space. Semuanya terasa begitu mudah dan saat menatapnya aku hanya tahu ingin jadi manusia macam apa. Atau paling tidak membuatku berpikir apa aku sudah cukup pantas berdiri di hadapnya.

Aku bukan novelis drama romantis dan aku tak pernah merasa cukup pintar berbicara tentang cinta. Tak seperti Shakespeare yang bisa membuat seluruh dunia menangis dengan Romeo-Julietnya. Bukan pula sehebat Stephenie Meyer yang bisa dengan mudah mengalirkan kata-kata puitis lewat bibir vampire 108 tahun pada Isabella Swan dalam balutan Saga Twilight-nya. Aku juga tak sepintar Jack Dawson yang menemukan kata-kata “Bila kau melompat, aku juga melompat”, untuk membuat seorang Rose Dewitt Buckater kehabisan air matanya di tengah lautan Atlantik. Tapi cinta datang dan mengubahku.

Barangkali cinta bisa memunculkan sesuatu , kemampuan, atau sifat-sifat rahasia yang tak kita sadari sedang bersembunyi di dalam tubuh kita, seperti kata Andrea Hirata. Tiba-tiba aku menjadi sebegitu lancar berbicara tentang cinta, bagai seorang afasia yang mendapat keajaiban dari Tuhan. Bila sudah begini, I just wish that I can make a lachrimose story. Karena seumur hidupku, aku baru satu kali menemukan kata-kata yang –bagiku- cukup mengesankan.. 
“Aku berharap bisa menjadi kamikaze atau apapun itu untuk menjagamu selamanya”
Credit: popsugar
Cinta. Aku ingin tahu dari apa cinta dibuat. Formula macam apa yang dikandungnya hingga membuat Ricardo Izecson “kaka” Dos Santos Leite tak pernah berpaling dari Caroline, yang membuat Charlie menolak mentah-mentah pabrik coklat raksasa Willy Wonka demi keluarga sederhananya, yang membuat seluruh rakyat Argentina menangis saat pahlawan negara mereka gugur hingga menginspirasi Paul Mauriat merangkai nada-nada menjadi lagu Don’t Cry for Me Argentina yang melegenda, yang sampai membuat Raja Louis 16 menghabiskan kekayaan negara untuk menghiasi istrinya, Marie Antoniette, dengan emas, kristal, dan berlian yang tak terkira, juga membuat seorang pria di China begitu sabar merawat istrinya yang koma selama 32 tahun hingga sadar di pertengahan November 2008 kemarin. Aku benar-benar ingin tahu. Bila saja kloning itu legal, orang pertama yang aku pilih untuk di-klon adalah Einstein. Aku ingin lihat apa pria berambut putih yang unik itu cukup pintar menjelaskan padaku formula cinta seperti saat ia menjelaskan teori relativitas E=mc2 pada para ilmuwan sedunia. Aku tak yakin soal itu. Ia mungkin pintar soal sains, tapi soal cinta?

Beryllus. Sedikit mengutip kata-kata Forest Gump dengan perubahan seperlunya. “Cinta itu seperti sekotak coklat, kita tidak akan pernah tahu apa yang kita hadapi”. Ya, itu benar. Satu hal yang aku tahu tentang cinta. Cinta tak selamanya bicara tentang sepasang kekasih. Cinta juga tak selalu tentang kata-kata romantis dan kecupan sayang. Tapi hidup selalu tentang cinta. Ke Antartika pun kamu berlari, di sanalah cinta akan menunggumu. Aku tak butuh rumus yang rumit atau teknologi paling mutakhir untuk menjelaskan mengapa hidup ini selalu tentang cinta. Karena cinta bukan eksak. Dan cinta adalah sebuah misteri kecil yang hanya bisa diungkap oleh mereka yang mencintai cinta. Satu hal lagi, kadangkala cinta memang menyebalkan saat kamu mendapati dia mengatakan benci. Tapi kamu harus tahu, itulah cinta yang sesungguhnya. Tak perlu diucapkan berulangkali karena cinta tak butuh publikasi.

Personal Writing: Saat Kita Bukan Lagi Aku dan Kamu

Dari sekian milyar nama yang ada di dunia ini, aku memilih namamu untuk kusimpan di dalam hatiku. 
Bukan hanya cinta yang ada di sini. Yang ada di sini lebih dari itu. Yang ada di sini selalu membisikkan nama kita di setiap nafas yang kuhela. Yang ada di sini selalu membuatku sadar di setiap pagi-pagi kelabuku bahwa aku masih memiliki bayangmu untuk aku berpegang menjalani apa yang akan terjadi hari ini dan esok. Dan yang ada di sini menyanyikan serenade yang tak pernah kita dengar sebelumnya. Perlukah kita mengatakan ini hanya bagian dari imajinasi? Semacam making-world yang hanya ada di cerita Alice in the Wonderland, di mana segalanya bisa terjadi hanya dengan satu jentikan jari. Akankah kita terus menganggap ini imajiner? Bahwa aku dan kamu selalu ada di ruang yang berbeda dan tak akan pernah menemukan koridor yang menyatukan kita berdua. Tahukah kamu, aku selalu berpikir ini hari ulang tahunku setiap kali kamu tersenyum padaku dengan caramu. Membuatku memandangmu sebagai hadiah terindah Tuhan untukku, tanpa pita, tapi seindah siluet senja di langit barat. Tak inginkah kita mengabaikan dunia dalam 1 menit saja untuk sekedar saling bertatapan dengan cara kita masing-masing dan mendefinisikan kata “kita” sebenarnya? Aku tak ingin hanya berdiri di sini menatap punggungmu yang menjauh dan terus berharap dalam diam bahwa kamu akan menoleh ke belakang untuk satu kali saja. Apa yang akan kamu pilih untuk diucapkan?
Ini bukan dunia kita
atau
Maukah kamu menemaniku di dunia kita?
Berjanjilah, apapun yang kamu ucapkan, kata “kita” akan selalu ada. Meski “kita” bukan lagi berarti aku dan kamu. Tapi paling tidak biarkan aku memejamkan mata saat kamu mengatakannya, membayangkan itu masih “kita” yang dulu. Dan jangan bangunkan aku sebelum kamu benar-benar pergi dan tak akan pernah menoleh lagi.

April 10, 2011

Favorites: 'Never Let Me Go'


“Oh, I don't know what it is but I have feelings for her that I cannot just ignore, my glorious ballet dancer.”
- Never Let Me Go, Kazuo Ishiguro

This movie just got me thinking, 
that maybe it is lovewhen you just say nothing seeing the one you love being with somebody else, until the day they realize that you never once left their sides.

April 2, 2011

Personal Writing: 1st Time Ever I Cried Like A Baby

1st time ever I cried like a baby was not when I got C on my fave major. Or when I broke up with my bf. Or even when I watched a very sad movie. 1st time ever I cried like a baby is when I sang Can’t Smile Without You in my bed room with the song played through my headphone. I feel like I do really can’t smile without you, mom. Yea, I sang that song for my mom. She’s having a trip to Solo while me staying in Medan. I know it’s common thing. Since 4 years ago my mom has not been stayed with me permanently. But this time it feels so hard for me to be left here.

Idk why I did cry? I just cried and cried along the night. The song played in repeat and I kept cry like a baby. I feel like, God, I miss my mom so bad. I just can’t smile without her. It’s normal, right? I’m still 18. I want my mom stay by my side, seeing her face every morning, singing some old songs or her fave The Ting Ting’s songs together everyday, talking about my school thingy or some stories of her childhood, cooking anything together, or watering the plants outside twice a day. But life has changing every time I open my eyes in the morning. I’m studying in a university now, not in a two-floored building called high school. Now I’m living several years of my life in Medan. My mom lives in Aceh where my Dad has been worked since 9 years ago, sometimes she’s spending her time with me in Medan, or sometimes in Solo visiting my auntie and my grans’s graves. I tryna to be such an independent girl but you know it’s not easy. I still cry when I get a fever or sore throat. And sometimes I still can’t choose what clothes to wear today. Thanks God, I have my brother and sister here. Brother who takes me to the campus when I woke up late in the morning. And sister who cooks very delicious breakfast everyday.

But I still can’t smile without my beloved mom. I love her so much, I love her like the orchid loves the sun. Like the peoples love their wise Queen. Like the lover loves the idol. I love you mom, I always do, you know it’s true. I just can’t find somebody who can inspires me the way you do. You’re my superwoman, my own superhero, my everything. I want you to know it is not easy to stay so far away from you. I miss you like crazy. I miss your smile, I miss your laugh, and the way you say,” I love you, my daughter”.
You know I can't smile without you,

I can't smile without you,
I can't laugh and I can't sing,
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.
You see, I feel sad when you're sad,
I feel glad when you're glad,
If you only knew what I'm going through,
I just can't smile without you
Well, I’m crying right now. Like a baby.