Poetry: Cherry Blossom Tree

Howdy!

So, you were intrigued by the cliche title of this poem or what that you got trapped in this page? Lol... please pardon my lame joke.

Well, the inspiration to write this piece came from one Sunday afternoon when I looked outside my bedroom window and my eyes caught some leaves (not the cherry blossom ones, certainly. They were just some mango tree leaves) fell down. And I just read an article about Cherry Blossom started to bloom in Canada the night before so I thought it would be cool to write one about it. 

As usual I submitted this poem to GR in attempt to join the January 2015 Goodreads Newsletter contest (and as usual not chosen awesomely but I'm happy anyway). So far, I think this poem is my best favorite because I actually can picture the scene in my head while writing this and it's so so sweet and brings comforts into my mind <3

Cherry blossom tree in summer;

All its leaves has left the branches

You wither, sweaty under the sun

I put umbrella sheltering you, one

And two is your smile

Creating a roof as you kiss me once,

Kiss me again, deeply in our mind

Cherry blossom tree on spring;

When the leaves start to bloom

We sit fixedly on its root

Big flowers-small flowers looming over us two

Wiggling eyebrows and toes

You lean on its trunk as you lead me to lull

Cherry blossom tree on autumn;

As its leaves fall on due

We lie down without a roof

Arms open crisscrossing our back

Holding on childish promise in salute

You’ll fight the beast, I’ll fight with you

Cherry blossom tree on winter;

Snow-covered leaves hanging on each tip

I shiver from wind, I shudder of chill

You wrap a quilt,

Around my back and stop under my chin

Transferring heat without a sin

Spoiling me into a dream

Cherry blossom tree with no leaf,

Or blooms or falls or dithers, all in cycle

Leave its body carve-less

‘Cause by hurting comes no good memories

But embrace the body we do

Right fingers to your lefts

Left fingers to my rights

So nothing can stand between us

Except the sweet cherry blossom tree

© 2015

Read More

Poetry: Friends We Are (not)

Hello!

I recently joined this cool group on Goodreads called ¡ POETRY ! 

I was mesmerized by the awesome poets there and wanted to join/ruin the awesomeness with my crappy poem (okay, just laugh people, it's fine). I was tempted to submit my poem for December 2014 Goodreads newsletter (this is my second attempt) so I rummaged my old notebooks and found this poem I wrote back then when I was still in high school. I wrote them on bahasa so I translated them and made a change or two to some lines to make it 'shinier' lol...

Two wet eyeballs

Red pupils surrounded by black

He cries weakly, eyes to the sun

In silent I stay

Trying hard to grab him tight

But the sun’s shimmering down

Fast… fast like a light

No words sound fine

But I settle with one

Sorry, I’m sorry deeply

I give you my back when you ask my face, sorry

I leave you my scar when you ask a smile, I’m sorry

I toss you the candle when you ask for warm light, sorry

I take a step away when all you ask is for me to stay, I’m really sorry

It against my will, but

Why you let me anyway

When you stab my back, while I fight your reaper

When you dig my wound, while I call the clown

When you set me afire, while I fumble with lighter

When you proudly sing me elegy, while I hide to wail

That’s you

The more you push me, the meaner you make me

The meaner you got me,

That’s when we graft us with evils dressed like saints

Isn’t this what we want?

Let me be on my way,

I let you go through your way

Until the sun once again rises up

Until we harmonize in sweet rhyme

That we still want a label ‘friend’ each on our minds 

© 2014

Read More

Poetry: Time

So, I was inspired to write this poetry by the latest post of my idol Wuyifan on his instagram. It's been a while since he last updated his account so I was kind of hysterical when I first saw it. He only said one word: 'time' and it was enough to drive me insane because.. HELLO? It's been centuries since we, the meigeni, heard about him and here he is only saying one word on his comeback. I then decided to write a poem about it. Well, at last knowing he's not leaving his instagram account (which would definitely making us Int'l fans freak out and clueless) is enough to make me happy. And he's so cool in that photo so he's forgiven anyway <3

As you chose your way

I think you wanted to be away

Along with you, my all hopes and dreams, drifted away

I was praying to God you’d come back someday

I was on my knees crying and murmuring

your name on display

All I could think of was you don’t appear at day

Nor night whenever I did my pray

I could only blame time in this play

I was not ready when you were all brave and challenged

I just hoped you don’t leave but then again, who am I to command?

Again, in time I put the sharp blame

I kissed the air in order to breathe your scent

I was all fire and in a total upset

But again, this is you on set

I breathed in, I have fallen for you I swear 

And again, blaming time felt so fine

I have waited for you

Still waiting, my heart’s crew

My purest little dew

Time, all the blames, that’s your due

But then it all happened so suddenly

You came back, sounded so softly

Smiled heartily

Oh boy, I miss you and it’s a lofty

You said ‘Time’

What’s with time?

It’s on the blame, right?

'No', your voice was strong

I pursed my lips, baby you’re wrong

'No', again you said, 'time wasn't on the blame, isn't and won't be'

‘Time was hard, but it moved forward and dragged me along to fight and see’

‘Time led me to another realization, that things that we were, are never always the things we later will be’

‘Time broke us apart for a moment, only to let us meet again in a much better shape’

'I did leave, but not leaving you'

‘I just need my time to bend and all prepared for you’

‘Time heals, remember?’

‘It did, that’s why I’m here now’

‘To witness your every brave moves, to reply all your sweet I-love-yous, to appreciate all the ever so pretty twinkling stars, my every you’

I put a hand on top of my lung,

it’s pounding fast and you know why.

I’m sorry. Time it is.

Time heals, even to my liver.

I inhale your smell and eyes set to your eyes, flicker.

Indeed, this is the man I love for forever.

© 2014

Read More

Personal Writing: A Respect to Decision Makers

People made decisions everyday. Some did it good. Some didn't. Some went through so many things to get into the final decision. Some just had the idea popped up on their minds during shower. I am not different either. 

The first ever decision that I made on my own was when I had to choose the major in University. Ever since I was in elementary school I just went with the flow of my surroundings. Like when most of my friends chose to continue their studies at 'A' Middle High, I did too. Same things happened when I chose Senior High School. I just never really had my own preferences back then. I simply thought that what most people chooses is what best for me as well.

So, during my final year of high school when we had to make our decision to choose what major we'd be learning, I chose to be different. When most of my friends were fighting for medical science, I chose this one Engineering Department for good. And as much as confident I were when choosing this, I had my ups and downs that sometimes led me up to the boredom and even regret.

There were days when I felt so blessed that I chose this faculty because of so many good things and exciting experiences happened to me. I did regret once, but it was not to the extent I wanted to restart everything all over again. I just wondered what if I chose another faculty and so on. But I never really wanted to leave what I started. I am not that kind of person. Well, boredom might come once or twice. It is natural since we're all human who has limit to everything. We just need to take a deeper breath, get over it, and continue where we had paused. 

Back to making decision, it is never an easy thing to deal with. Like I said, some people might went through so many things just to make sure they chose the right flower to brighten their loved ones. To make such simple decision, they gave it all their best. I appreciate that kind of people a lot. For me, they seem taking things seriously, not just seeing it as some random things they're dealing with.

I, myself, always make a decision in a serious way. I considered so many things before coming to the final choice. Sometimes people might see me as a person who didn't make her decision seriously. People can judge, but they would never know what made me choosing this path I am walking on. They might think I carelessly made my way but I know what I do, and I know I have God with me in every decisions that I made. I respect people's opinion because I believe every human being has their own preferences and says. But I respect myself more and I respect the opinion from the people I love. I make my decision based on what my heart and soul feel right, based on what people I love say what fits me better, upon my continuous prays and hopes to God. Those three things, I believe will always lead me into making the best decision for my life.

The reasonings behind every decisions are going in a various way and as mysterious as one's heart, I don't think we have the rights to judge whether it's good or bad. We will never know what made them choose their way unless we ever been in their shoes and see from the same spectacles. Well, who knows that the decisions they made may not be the ones they want as well but under some circumstances, they have to choose that way. So, isn't it better to let people has control on their own lifes as long as they don't cross the boundaries as well? Just, you know, as the respect to every decision makers out there.

Read More

Personal Writing: Silly I know, but.....

Do you ever fall in love...

So deep that your heart can't stop pounding so fast only by seeing her/his face on the photo for the very first time?

So deep that all you could think of what is she/he doing at the moment you think of them even though it was only 1 hour since you first know her/him?

So deep that you spent all night reading her/his writing-everything somewhere and still can't get enough that you want to spend another night doing the same thing?

So deep that you cry upon her/his every writing, no matter what the content was, you cry because her/his beautiful chosen of words, you cry picturing her/him on your mind writing those things while thinking and blinking her/his eyes sometimes?

So deep that you can't even control your tears and still crying silently though you already reached the posting date section on the bottom of the posts?

So deep that it is suffocating you just by imagining the so-little-possibility day you finally able to meet her/him in person for the first time?

So deep that you are able to ignore it when your music player shuffled to rock and instrumental melody minutes to minutes, even crying when the rock music played?

So deep that you don't even care even if your top 10 favorite biases present in front of you cause you prefer closing your eyes, picturing her/him in your mind?

So deep that you just wanna do, choose, use, love, read, listen to, write what she/he does, chooses, uses, loves, reads, listens to, writes too?

So deep that you can't help but feeling scare, worry, and insecure whenever she/he mentioned other guy's/girl's name because strangely you want her/him just for yourself only?

So deep that...

you don't even realize that you did all those things above because of someone who only God knows whether she/he aware of your existence because you both never meet each other like ever before?

Boo me, I do now.

Read More

Personal Writing: Me Today: Realization

Dejected feeling I feel all the time

I enter a whole new part of my life. I am no longer those girl with reports on my hand running here and there yelling 'deadline-deadline' crazily. I don't chase the campus bus anymore because run out of time. I don't stress, stay up late at night in front of computer, sleep secretly during class, or skip lunch because all the stupid waitings. It is no longer part of my life now. But I miss those already. It seems like it was just yesterday I entered the campus life. Now I already leave them all behind. I am not a student anymore, I got heavier responsibility now. Those two letters submitted in the end of my name look so beautiful yet, idk, strangely weighted? Sometimes I feel kind of proud, most of the time I feel annoyed. Those two letters prevent me from acting silly (which is real me), it makes people avert their looks at me like, 'dude you're not a kid, cut the act!'
That annoyed me sometimes but I know it's time. It's that time of moment when people migrates to the next step of their life. It's my turn now. At first I was so excited that I couldn't stop making future plans of my life. Different versions each day cause it is just too much I wanna grab at once. But apparently I was not ready. I don't know why. It was just, I think I'm not mentally prepared. I can't help feeling anxious all the time. I kind of become so sensitive upon my surrounding. One time I really want to have a decent job and build my carreer path. The next day I gave up because I think I messed up my job interview. Minutes later I want to continue my study and pursue master degree. But next thing I did was just sitting on the edge my bed, wondering if it is my true passion then burying my face on the pillow drowsily, ready to sleep any moment. I seem like can not find my right path, what I wanna do in my life. Is it normal?

The lazier I get, the worse this stupid worries attack me. I don't like this. But yet, I have no idea how to fix this. What a confusing human being, I am..
At this rate, I just missed my friends so much. My childhood friends, middle school friends, high school friends, even current friends.. all my friends. I will start logging in my social network account that has been left for some good times in order to know how they've been. I want to chat them, I want to have a long talk about our long forgotten memories, I want to at least say hello to them.
But apparently it was not my day. Instead of being able to exchange hellos, it turned to be my crybooster (if this word even exists...).
Why?
They all have changed. Not in a bad way, I said. But they,.. idk, they found their path of life already? Some had been working for some times, others are working on their master's degree life, some even got married! It is not that I want to follow the latter ones, fyi, but what does matter... they ALL seemed to know what will they do with their only once life. Then again something crawls in, dejected feeling. And I didn't know I can be more depressed than ever.
My true passion, where should I find them?
I have so many things in mind right now though I am not sure whether it is really really my true passion. But I think I know where the problem lies here.
The problem lies on my so called heart.
Yes, it is true. I think to have so many things I want to do in the future is normal. It is called.. excited? Well, passionate maybe? It is good, isn't it? Now the problem is, what I've been calling.. not mentally prepared yet. Until when will you stay in this state? The moment I took my very first step into university, I should've been prepared. Because that was when you choose what you're gonna be later. When you took your first step to Engineering-related major, it most probably you chose to be an Engineer or at least to be someone who has a tough job, physically-mentally. You should've known that. That not-mentally-prepared, it sounds mostly like an excuse.
A lame excuse to cover dark side of you who is not dare to take a risk.
There, I said it.
Sooner or later those dark side will cover all your heart and mind and you will end up being a complete loser. I always be that one person who is left behind cause I am too scared of taking risks. It doesn't sound like fun.
Then go change. Change yourself!
People changed, then why can't you change?
Go erase that worries and scares buddy. It is not too late to do so. The late is never exist for the change. Of course you can't change what in the past, all the stupid doings you did on the past. No need to regret it too.
Things won't change once you regret it, right?
Who cares what stupid things you did on the past. People tends to forget their past faster, especially the bad ones (though people also tends to remember the others's bad past but that's different case, if you know what I mean). So, all you have to do now is to shush away that lame mental. It is hard, but you know, as time flies, what was once hard will turn into the easy one. It is natural.

Well, guess what people. I wrote this at first because I thought it would help to ease my uneasy deeds inside a bit. You know, sharing the bitterness. But as the words flow away, I guess I hit the realization button. Wow, what magic did writing do to me. I guess I should write more then~

Posted via Blogaway

Read More

Personal Writing: I (Wish, I) Met You IRL

Hi! Been a long time, huh? I am not going to make any excuses why I didn't post anything these past several months cause I did reason out often. Lol. I just rummaging some folders on my phone and I found this writing from November last year. I am pretty sure I was about posting it right away after I finished it but apparently did not. So I am thinking about posting it right now. I think it's kinda cute. It supposed to be posted on November 6th last year. Kris's birthday. But posting it right now won't harm either I guess, so here it is.. ^^

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to LAX yesterday. It was for meeting someone I like. I had no idea who’s that person, I just waited for him. I stood in front of the main arrival gate. International arrival gate. He must be from abroad. But actually I had no idea how come I could be in LAX, while I’ve never been in LA before, like ever. But yeah, there I was, waiting for someone I don’t know in the place I’ve never been before. There were some girls who was waiting with me there. Those cute type girls who has been constantly appeared among crowds whenever some idols go to an airport. They were wearing such a cute dress, pony-tailed, or wavy hair with cute rainbow bandana. They looked so chic yet elegant. I wasn’t realized what I was wearing until I saw my reflection on the mirror. I was wearing piped jeans with simple t-shirt and opened shirt on the top of the t-shirt. Really casual, I guessed. But I don’t know why, I had an idea that this style was his favorite, that guy I’ve waited for. Oh how I feel like Joah on Jae Bum’s music video.

I stomped my feet on the ground lightly, with both hands inside my jeans pockets. There was no sign that he would appear anytime soon. And out all of sudden, something in the air came out of the gate. Like balloons and fans.

What the hell, I thought.

But it was not strange for the others. Those cute girls were surrounding me out of sudden and tried to reach some that flew by us. I did the same in the end and got some balloons. The balloons were really cute, it has furs on it and very fluffy. I felt like snuggling my face on it. Suddenly a girl came out and told us that today was free balloons day at LAX. They even gave out some chocolates. I tasted one, it was extremely sweet and nice. Confusing for me since I was never been a fan of chocolate. The giveaway event lasted for some good minutes before the crowds dismissed and just like before, it was just me and some girls who waited in front of the main gate.

I was still in the middle of chewing the chocolate when I heard people whispering from behind. I turned my head and two girls kept whispering to each other while one of them pointed out my direction. I thought it was me but their sights were not directing at me. I turned my head back and finally understood what those girls meant in the first place. In front of me, there was a guy, a tall guy wearing black jacket with grey t-shirt under the jacket. He was so tall that I thought I was standing in front of a wall. It was because he stood only some good centimeters in front of me. We were that close that some girls joined the first two girls I noticed, giggling and whispering something over him. I looked up and he looked down on me. He was wearing black spectacles and I noticed his blonde hair parting right in the middle.

What a weird hairstyle, I thought to myself.

I never really like that kind of hair style. I even used to hate them for some reasons. I was about to stepped aside since he was blocking my way by standing in front of me like that.

I was here to wait for someone, I thought, and obviously it was not this guy who’s standing right in front of me at this moment because I swore to myself I never met him before.

Right when I stepped to my right, he took a step to his left so that we were practically standing next to each other again just like before. I wanted to take a step aside again to my left but I heard he voiced out,

“Don’t even think to step aside again”.

His voice was cold and thick. Those type of voice that left big impression during speech contest. It somewhat made me stood still. I was too afraid to do anything and just stared blankly at his face. I saw his right thick eyebrow went up a bit.

Is he angry?, I thought to myself.

It was so wrong. Me, being afraid in front of a stranger for no particular reasons like this was ridiculous.

“I.. actually you, you’re kind of blocking my way that’s why…”

“I’m not. I never be”, he just cut my words by his short sentences.

“But.. you are.. I’m waiting for someone now, and he might be already come at this very moment but you blocking me this way would make him not seeing me”, I just blurted it out.

Then he giggled.

Wait what?

He was giggling at me. It was obvious. He even put one of his hand to cover his mouth.

This is stupid, I thought.

Suddenly I heard a ‘click’ sound inside my head. His voice was so familiar. Too familiar that I was so comfortable talking to him. I looked up at him again. He stopped laughing already.

“You really don’t know, do you?”, he said.

My head was doing quick search about his voice.

It must be somewhere I met him before… or heard him before… but where?

And next thing he did, shocking myself out.

He took his spectacles off while grabbing one of my hand.

“It was me who you’ve been waiting for all this time. Got it now?”, he said that lightly but I was just too shock to answer…

He was Kris.

That guy who I have waited for almost an hour was Kris

That guy who were standing in front of me and even playing stupid step move with me was Kris.

He was Kris Wu all this time.

I felt my body became light all of sudden and everything was so bright that it hurt my eyes. I didn’t remember anything then. Next thing I knew, I was sleeping next to my phone with happy birthday, kris written on the screen. And it was nowhere near LAX.

Oh, what a stupid dream, I laughed to myself. 

Read More

Personal Writing: Confession of Jealousy

It has been three days since that thing happened. Since I found out that stuff.
So, there is the girl I know. She is on last year of University, majoring Science. She is that kind of average girl. Well, I do not mean 'average' in a negative way. I mean, average like not that kind of popular, glamorous, princess-alike, genius -- type. She is ordinary. Just like me. I never know the differences between us both. But now I do. Cause she did it while I did not.
I found out that she is dating a guy now. A humble and handsome guy. I did say that she is 'average' right? But the fact, she is dating a very handsome guy now. They have been together since a year and half ago. Long enough. It sounds common, right? But one thing, she is not just dating a guy. She is dating a foreigner. A very handsome foreigner.
For me, it is like, wow. You know, I mean, I always see that a foreigner always dates beautiful girl. Girl with degree of beauty at least on the level Drew Barrymore. But this girl... I do not intend to say that she is not pretty or such. She is just very common. Very very common like me. Dude, you should see my selca! She is as 'common' as me. It is just that my skin is a bit brighter than her. Just a lil bit, 4% maybe.
But she dates him, that humble and handsome foreigner guy which as handsome as Jamie Cullum. Practically, I can say that she dates Cullum's doppelganger...
And that Cullum's doppelganger is a very humble and kindest person ever. The best point is she can not speak English. Can you imagine how could they communicate? And ever more.... fell in love?
I do not know what is wrong with my petite heart. It just can not accept the fact easily. I feel.. lost? I am not saying that I am better than her. I am just not different than her but she dates Cullum's doppelganger while I am dating my Xperia. Pathetic truth.
I kept on thinking about she must has something precious on herself that I do not have. I thought about it since the moment I knew the fact. It must be something.
I finally see something in her.
She is as humble as his boyfriend. And they shared same liking on a thing that I never put my interest into. Lord is fair.
Maybe I am smarter than her. Maybe I am able to speak in English everytime I want to. Maybe I have a cuter smile than her or have skin that 4% brighter than her. But that Cullum's doppelganger does not need them all.
She does not need to be pretty outside.
What he wants is just her pretty heart.
She does not need to speak English.
They speak with their hearts through their eyes.
She does not need to have cuter smile than everybody's.
He adores only her smile that comes straight from her heart.
She does not need to be up-to-date to the world's latest fashion, music, technology.. to the world's latest everything.
He only cares that they shared same interest in a simple thing.
She does not need to be a fashionable, princess-alike, glamorous, and genius type of girl.
He loves her for who she is.
These points are more than enough to shut my filthy mouth up. I might sound arrogant in the beginning (I know you did, it is okay), but when things I hate --every single thing that I frigging hate--, happened in the name of love, I can not bring myself to deny them. Like ever. Why?
It is simply because I believe in love.
I believe that love is pure enough to make that Cullum's doppelganger fell in love with a super ordinary girl.
I believe that love made them being their own selves.
Made her live on her own way.
Made him love her on his own way.
Actually I was still in a state where I could not accept this fact yet at the beginning. But by the end of this long confession of jealousy, I think I already brought myself to adore their beautiful love life.
I felt so relieved.
Fin.

Read More

Personal Writing: You, Who Ruined The List

It was a plain Saturday afternoon. Everything was alright. The sun was shining brightly through the window and the sky was really clear as if rain will never come to visit any moment. And there I was. At one of laboratory room at campus. It was a peaceful day and my feeling was really good. I was standing in front of a notice board while some pals had some chats around me. Everything was normal as usual, really. I kept looking at one of paper stuck on the notice board. It was blur for a sec, and finally became clear as I was a bit surprised to see what’s on it. It’s not just a simple announcement more like a poster. A4 sized. I narrowed my eyes a bit. It was 2PM concert poster (kkkk, lol I know). I was bewildered at first and shouted a question to my pals without took any glance at them, “How could we have this poster here?". But no one answered me since they were busy all by themselves. I turned to them as some ‘tsk’-s came out from my mouth and turned back to read the poster again. There were another poster next to the 1st one and I was like, “Wah, they even put Taecyeon’s teaser image here.. Look at his gorgeous body”. I tapped my chin as I kept praising on his teaser image. I was still focusing on it when suddenly somebody was already standing next to me. Close enough. I did not pay attention at first but suddenly a whining sound came from that person and I turned my head. There he was.
Flawless Jungsoo. Park Jungsoo.
With annoyed expression on his face and one of his hand tried to reach a certain part of his back. To my surprises, I was not surprised or even yelled or collapsed (which is I will positively be like that IRL.. lol). It feels like, nothing’s wrong with Jungsoo standing next to me on one of laboratory room at my campus (freaking freak, to think about it again). That time, I felt he was more like a sunbae on my campus. Simply like that.
“Oh, Jungsoo oppa”, that’s all what I said. 
(HOMG, I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY SELF FOR FREAKING SAYING THAT TO HIM.. THO IT IS JUST A DREAM BUT STILL.. GIRL.. HE IS JS T_T)
He turned his head to me. Still looked a bit annoyed but there’s a smile on his face.
“Hi Cynthia-ssi, my back, it’s a bit sore. Idk why”, he said.
I nodded, understood. And without any hesitation, I did a very brave and effin’ brave action ever (as my normal mind thought). I simply laid my right hand on that part of his back that I guessed it hurts.
“Here?”, I asked.
He put his hand down to his side,
“Yes, right there. I think I took wrong sleep position last night, I’m not really sure”, he said again.
I kept looking at his face as I slowly caressed his back (Lord...), tried to examined his expression.
“Does it really hurt?” I asked him.
“Yes, still a bit sore”, he answered but his expression kinda better.
He became more relaxed than before and those wrinkles on his forehead disappeared. I continued to carressed him as I thought it will feel much better if I kept going. And there we were. He read that poster calmly while I was on his side and my hand laid on his back, caressing him. Slowly some voices came from behind. I could say it was my pal’s and they shouted some random words toward us like, “yoohoo”, “yeaah”, “yea you both”. Something like that. I lowered my head, feeling shy all of sudden. I noticed Jungsoo shot a glance at them to stop them from kept shouting but it just became worse. I glanced at him and noticed that he flushed. 
He flushed... freaking flushed. 
Suddenly he took a step forward, went to front. Right in front of me. And still, my right hand was on his back. The shouting words kept going as suddenly Jungsoo raised one of his hand to his back. This time it was not for reaching his sore back. This time, it reached my left hand that was dangling all that time instead.
I was frozen. On beautiful, bright, and shiny day, I was frozen.
My right hand already stopped from caressing him seconds ago as I felt my left one being touched by a warm and large hand of him. 
Hand of Jungsoo.. 
And then everything blurred and the only clear scene was just us. It was only us both: Me, him, and our fingers that intertwined as one. But it didn’t stop there. He didn’t stop there. 
When my heart still pounded hard, Jungsoo held my left hand and without saying anything, he simply put my left hand around his waist. My left hand wrapped around his waist. My left hand wrapped around Jungsoo’s waist. Heartbeat stopped. But I felt so alive for any reasons. It was like my hand found the place where it supposed to be. Like created a strong connection that giving me strength, giving him smile. Like that connection made between avatar’s hairs and Ikran so that the avatar will be able to ride them and fly. That’s what I feel. We connected to each other and I was flying out of my insanity. He pulled my hand closer, kinda closed the gap between us, his back and my front body. I felt safe and strange on the same time. But it was the strangeness that I love and can’t resist to. He slightly turned his head, facing me. I tiptoed to be able to see him, and there he was, smiling like an angel to me and I wanted to melt down to the ground but his grip tightened on my wrist and I knew that I have to stand still. We kept that position till idk when. I looked at the outside and the day was still bright.
That time I knew it was just a dream. But I resisted to wake up. I realized it won’t came true no matter what. But I wanted to stay still as long as possible. I knew that he would disappear any moment, when I still wrapped my hand around him like that, but I didn’t want to let go. It was just a simple scene of my dream.
A dream. It always shows us the other side of our life. Sometimes it shows us things that we never think about in life, a different perspective from ours toward forgotten thing. I barely knew Jungsoo before. I mean, it happened to be that Jungsoo was not on my bias list or else. But the dream showed me the other perspective of the real me toward Jungsoo.
And when I woke up in the next morning, I sat right up on my bed, stared up on the ceiling and thought “Jungsoo oppa, you ruined the list”

Read More

Personal Writing: “Make Sense” - Conversations

Do you ever feel bored during a conversation?
Well, everybody does. Even when the things that being the topic of the conversation is things that you think it’s stupid to talk about. It’s like you are big fans of Red Hot Chili Pepper but people next to you is busy talking about new-formed girl band. You will be like, “euuh, I’m going crazy”. But now, what if the people you talk with is the special one, or you think he/she is? I bet you won’t say things like euuh or ck or sssh or such.
Well, sometimes thing like this happen in one’s life.

“Stupid conversations make sense when you’re talking to someone special”
(DailyDiary)

I (not) accidentally found that statement. Well, I experienced it lately. So, I thought that these kind of statement must be exist and yes it is. It’s kinda cute, isn’t it? Ha ha ha, stupid me. But yeah, I were sitting that day and that one came so we involved in a lil conversation. Actually the things that being the topic isn’t something that I hate the most but I felt like, “why should this one?” but time goes by and I were like, “what is this?”. I kinda enjoyed it and as the statement above, It make sense. Then I gazed at that one and there was such a “click” sound in my head, “Is this one special?”. I was shocked cause that one is the unexpected one.
Stupid conversations make sense when you’re talking to someone special. God, I guess theres someone who keep shouting this statement in my head. I must be crazy. Actually I’m not the type of person who easily amazed by things. So it’s way too shocking for me.
Well I think I have to say this to myself. Maybe stupid conversations make sense when you’re talking to someone special, but you don’t really know what special means here. Maybe it’s not special the way people in love think, maybe special means that the person is really good in leading conversation. That’s what attract me so. I guess I start loving people who leads conversation well, cause actually I’m not one.
Because when you build a conversation with someone else, that’s how you assess each other.
Convenient or not, that’s what lead you to conclude the convos makes sense or not.

Read More

Favorites: Domino

 I’m falling into something real and I can’t stop me 
I’m knocking over everything and you just caught me 
From start to finish I promise I’m in this 
Just wanna let you know, yo
I’m falling like a domino

 That’s part of Domino lyrics by Brian Joo. Actually, I never really pay much attention to his music but this song really took my heart. I love the lyrics, the way he tell us his feeling towards this song is totally romantic. Well, I love romantic guy but it feels different. Maybe thousand people outside saying that they might fallin in love just by one song. And I do too. But this song is really, idk, different? Feels like the guy is totally begging for the girl’s love. Never stop promising that he will never ever leave her. Many girls would fall for this words. I commonly not that easy to fall for words but this time I do.
Falling like a domino.You know domino? When the 1st one fell down, it fell upon the next one, and next, and next, till the end of dominos. It cant be stopped till it’s really reaching the end point. Falling in love like domino totally means soooo deep. You start fall for a girl, then you really cant stop yourself to fall for her till the end of time. You just keep falling, don’t care what will happen with you, don’t care what obstacles that you might face, don’t care as long as you fall for the same heart. Isn’t it romantic?
Brian Joo is really brilliant musician. This song is great, with his voice it becomes stronger and deeper. You can’t stop yourself to not loving him just by listening to his voice. If you curious about it, try to listening to this song, try the other songs too, Let This Die, for example, will make you crying all night long. The meaning inside the song let this die is way too deep, even you’ll feel like you lose your heart. Too much ya, ha ha ha
Well, Domino. I guess it’'ll be one of my favorite word from now on. Then when people asked what type of guy you want to marry, I’ll just say like a domino.
Once it falls down, it can’t be stopped, keep falling part by part, always stick forever, till the end point, till it’s time to let it stopped by.

Read More

Personal Writing: Lessons Learned from We Got Married

Lately I’m busy in downloading some episodes of a South Korean variety show: We Got Married.
Well its kinda show where two people, a man and a woman be a couple and live several months together as “married” couple. Every week they’ll get missions to be completed and through this they’ll get closer each other. I love this show totally because, well, theyre sometimes being such a fool and cute and shy when they have to do everything together like a married couple. There are some lessons too that people can get by watching this variety show. It is like how to praise or treat each other as a couple.
Seeing them on this variety show makes me thinking that being a couple (not yet a married one) is really difficult. It’s not like, you just need to act good to them or such, it’s more than that. It’s about how to decrease your ego facing problem that come between you two, because it’s like a two handed-glass, you need the others’ hand to hold the glass while you hold the other side.
By now, I love my thought about it’s better if people doing this variety show before they become a real couple. Because there are so many things that have to be learned. And sometimes learning is become easier if you use the fake situation, isn’t it?

Read More

Favorites: The One That Got Away

Lately Ive been listening to the same song everyday. Well, you saw the title above. The one that got away by Katy Perry. I listened to it and paid so much attention to the lyrics inside. Well, Katy Perry’s song always hit me with the same feeling. Her songs always have the same, what I call, same condition? Whatever. There was always the girl crying, loving, begging, or wishing for a guy. Sometimes it feels like the girl seems so pathetic. But sometimes I feel that what we call love. The girl has big love for the guy that shes been crying, loving, begging, or wishing for. And this song, the one that got away, left me with the same feeling. Some of my friends call her songs are perfectly fits bitches. Well, you saw the video clips then got the point. But I got the point here. Maybe the girl is a bitch but shes got a big and pure love for the guy. This is what I call true love.
I always love this part:

And in another life I would be your girl
We keep all our promises, be us against the world
And in other life I would make you stay
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away

I have a feeling that she’s being so honest to say that I want to exactly be your girl, I want to absolutely make you stay, I want to certainly make the promises never be broken by us two. Well, this is how I perceive it. The girl really want to be the one who say that her love never be the one that got away, though I guess that was the guy whos being so rude, leaving her like that.
Well, guess I talked too much. It’s already 1 am but this song keeps playing on repeat in my head. Even the lyrics completely stuck in my head. I gotta be honest, I love this song.

Read More

Personal Writing: Heaven Doesn't Seem Far Away Anymore

Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore.

That’s part of Ron Pope’s A Drop in the Ocean lyric.
Well, and it makes me think like maybe i feel something. I mean, I don’t want to say I’m falling in love or such thing cause I am not. It’s just me, feeling different. Well, a guy, (once again I warn you, I am not falling in love or whatever you called ‘em), just listened to that song. A Drop in the Ocean. I never hear that song. So, I go to the search box and typed the title. The song playing on repeat right now in my room. It’s a love song, broken hearted actually. Idk, the lyric told us about a guy who really loves a girl till he feels like the girl is his only destiny in life. ‘till he said that she’s his only heaven. So heaven doesn't seem far away anymore. It’s right in front of him. The girl. Is it too much? I guess no. We ever fall in love. And when you go that way, it’s normal to say that kind of ‘over expression’ words, right? Oh just admit it.
But I dont want to talk about love. I said I am not goin that way.
Back to the guy who just listened this song. He is an idol. Well, a singer, exactly. He loves to share his interest of music or anything else. And his taste of music is great, I think. I love the ones that he loves. I listened to the song that he listened. Sounds like a follower? Yes, I am. Makes no sense? No, I guess. This is what I want to tell you. I kept following what he did. Well, listening to the same song, trying to love the same thing. Just want to ask: Am I that obsessed? Err, that one, I can’t answer. For the truth, I never really think about it but tonight, well, this late night, idkw, I am thinkin about it. Too much. I am like, Is it okay for me to go this way? way too obsessed? Is it good? Or does it affect me in a bad way? Or good way? Idk. These questions suddenly come to my mind like the rain falls. God.
Then, back to the song of Ron Pope. Maybe I feel different cause of this song. Well guess the lyric fits me a bit. On the 1st line,

Just a drop in the ocean,
A change in the weather,
I was praying that you and me might end up together.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert.

Well, yeah, was praying that might end up together but it feels like wishing for rain on the desert. Just like me. And the guy. Ha ha ha. How come the lyric doesnt fit me perfectly whereas it fits me right when I looked at him. It’s in the end of line. That..

Heaven doesn't seem far away anymore

Okay, I am too much.

Read More

Personal Writing: Lost

Lost.
People lost things everyday. Some never got it back, but some did.
I lost a thing today. My cell phone. Well, mayb it’s not the best phone I ever had.  But I never lost a cell phone before. Idk when it was lost, it’s just lost.
Well, mayb its such a warn. I never treat my stuffs well. I left it everywhere I stay. I dropped it to the floor all the time.
Maybe there will be no “mr simple” playing on repeat every 5am.
Maybe I could never see that red thing again. My Nessi.
I should have said thanks to God. God warns me through this phone, literally.
I thanks God its not the other things.
Well, wherever you are my Nessi. Just so you know, I miss you so.

Read More

Personal Writing: Getting Older Beautifully

I’m getting older day by day, like today, I’m officially getting 1 yr older than before. Sad? Lil bit. Happy? REALLY! Idk, I know everybody doesnt want to gettin older (but they do, of course), but gettin older for me means so deep. I gain more trust and responsibility. It is not that bad, you know. Do not see thing from only a side, you’re not a kid. Trust, you get this, you gonna get a bunch of good friends. You’ll get such a feeling, always happy, feel comfort everywhere you stay. Responsibility, although heavy enough to maintain it but if you managed to do it, you'll get what you want. Honor, as a small example.


Well, I wont speech like I did yesterday, ha ha. I just wanna say a really BIG thanks to my Lord, Allah SWT for everything that You give to me. Mom, I do not know when I could return her affection. I never know. Gave birth to me, risking her life for my life. Dad, that took care of me but I’m such a stupid lamb, never realized how big his heart to keep me with patience. Sister and Brother that, well, youre mean sometimes but I know you both love me this big. And life, that I live with my reckless (Oh, God I’m so sorry) but I promise I won’t be that way anymore.
      

Today, with the number 19 is perched on my shoulder, I’m tryin to appreciate my life. And love it too. Because, well, you can not even create a life for an ant.

Happy Birthday, girl! You are loved and I know, you are good girl in a good place :)

Read More

Personal Writing: INDEPENDENCE DAY OF INDONESIA

August, 17th

Today is the independence day of the country where I’ve been stayed since 18 yrs ago. Indonesia. An archipelago country in South East Asia. Indonesia has so many natural resources but yeah, not the human resources. Well, we’re famous with that statement. But it’s been 66 yrs, don’t we want to change the statement? Don’t we tired of listening to it? Don’t we?
Well, not easy to invite all the people here to change. Back up to the 66 yrs ago! Take a breath is even very difficult before the August 17, 1945. We had no choice except involving ourselves in mass torture committed by the invaders. Look now, even it’s us who take over what invaders did, colonizing nations themselves.
I’m not in the middle of a independence day speech like what Mr President always do every yrs. I am just, well, trying to give my opinion on my own beloved country. I love Indonesia and I want it to change. Been 66 yrs ago and it’s still few of the things improved. The moral? I don’t have to say anything, you’ve seen.
Today, I pray to Allah. May Indonesia always stands still, keep growing, improving, and realizing that we are very rich in nature so we have to do a little more big step to give a change to this beautiful country. I know You love this country, You just want us to change ourselves 1st before You ‘change’ it.
So today, with all the love inside my heart, I say Happy Independence Day to you, Indonesia. I believe we can!

Read More

Personal Writing: BEST DAY

Best day. People explain best day in so many ways. Some say best day is when they got a new job, or when they got such a promotion. Some say best day is the day when they meet half of their life, when it comes to the time for saying single vow of the marriage that theyve been dreamin of. Some say best day is day when they were one sec close enough to a car accident and saved by God. And some say best day is the day when they got a very big smile along that day. The point is, thats when everythin’s in the right way and they feel happy for it. So do I. I got a very much explanation of best day. I think its best day when I spent a full day wit mom and dad talkin about us. I think its best day when I could finally bought a book that I’ve been dyin for. I think its best day when I felt so comfort wit my pals and they felt the same way too. I think its best day when I met the guy that I’ve been watchin and found him looked at me then smiled. I think its best day when the cosmological coincidence got me met the right person. I think its best day when I knew I made an A in my fave major. Well, I describe best day based on how big smile that I got on my face that day.


Like today. I guess its a very best day of my life. Well, best day EVER. About 4 months ago I started a lab* called industry statistics. Its a very difficult lab to do. I mean, with all the regulations and the terms proposed and the report should be completed in just two weeks. It really hit my body and soul. Its really hard, you know. But Alhamdulillah, big thanks to my Lord. Today it all ends wit a big smile on my face! It TOTALLY ENDS today! YAAAY! I cant believe finally we came to the summit of all the stuffs. VERY BEST DAY. God. Youll have no idea how hard our efforts during this. It was superb! and when today comes, well, BIG thanks Lord.
Once again, I had a BEST DAY of my life. Mayb some say its not really ‘best’ but for me, Its wonderful! Like taste Swiss chocolate and theres noone to stop you. GREAT! I’d like to thanks to my friends from VII-B team. Youre the man, guys! Thanks for made it up, thanks for keep fighting with me till the end. Ha ha ha, This may be quite excessive and stupid, but I had fun with you guys and will miss the days when we felt stuck togetha and laughed to each other silliness. We’re friends and we’re totally a mess! x)
Well, i’m so happy, i’m totally glad. I think relaxing time is coming. I’ll do a very quality time on my own. I, well, need SLEEP! Lol :D

*) laboratory, one of Industrial Engineering Dept.'s most important activity.

Read More

Personal Writing: Something Terrible Called Secretly

Well, something happen with my heart lately. Idk what it is. It just feel like always pounding so fast. It might be a disease but i'm not that sure. Something happened but I know, in a good way. My heart beating so fast when it comes to the right time, and place. When sound of the winds played slowly and peacefully fillin up my own lungs, thats when my heartbeat increase and idek if its gonna turn slow. You know, even its beating so fast right now.

I'm listening to Here I Am by Keenan, Tamra, David Morales. I love this song and the beat, its like cause my heart beating faster than before. Do I had such a heart disease?

Oh dude, if you know whats the reason behind it all, i bet you gonna say you had a heart disease. Please, dont scream, I know you will.

I'll tell you why,

1st, It's all because I'm in love

2nd, It's all because I'm in love... secretly

SECRET-ly. Its not beautiful or something else that you feel when you are really in love. I mean, cmon, its happen secretly, you do it secretly. Youre just in love in your own world, smile at your own face, laughin at your own silliness, weeping for your loses alone. Everythin that you do when the label "secretly" is on, well, you do it alone. Its crazy. But I'm on it.

The heart still beating so fast, it keeps beating till I realize I got tears in the corner of my brown eyes.

I hate the moment like this, in love so bad, but, secretly

Read More

Personal Writing: Cosmological Coincidence

See the title above? Well, if you read Raditya Dika’s MMJ you’ll know what it means.

Cosmological coincidence atau kebetulan kosmos adalah kebetulan yang dirancang oleh alam semesta. Bagaimana akhirnya dua orang bisa bertemu dan menciptakan sejarah baru adalah suatu kebetulan yang ga akan pernah kita tahu bagaimana awal mulanya. Pada awalnya sih aku ga pernah benar-benar menyadari bahwa semua pertemuan itu bisa jadi adalah kebetulan kosmos. Sampai several days ago, pengalaman memperjelas definisi ini.

Kebetulan itu terjadi dengan sangat aneh. Mungkin saja suatu hari kamu sedang duduk di sebuah coffee shop saat tiba-tiba seseorang tanpa sengaja menjatuhkan dompetnya karena banyaknya barang yang dibawanya, dan kemudian di lain kesempatan kamu duduk di coffee shop yang sama bersama orang tersebut seraya tertawa dan berkata, “ ..aku masih ingat dompet biru kamu jatuh di sebelah sana..”

Atau mungkin kamu memang sudah lama mengharapkan seseorang tersebut bakal say hi ke kamu lalu yang terjadi di hari berikutnya adalah kalian ada di satu meja yang sama dan having lunch together.

Semua itu pernah terjadi pada kita dan bahkan tanpa kita sadari, ‘kebetulan’ itulah yang akhirnya mempertemukan kita pada apa yang kita sebut destiny. Takdir. Cinta.

Kenyataannya, Dika benar. Pertemuan dua orang yang akhirnya jatuh cinta memang hal yang paling menarik untuk diceritakan. Bagaimana segalanya yang konyol waktu itu bisa jadi sesuatu yang membuat kita menangis tak henti beberapa tahun kemudian. Kita ga akan pernah tau siapa saja yang akan kita temui keesokan harinya. Mungkin siapa yang kita temui besok ternyata adalah orang yang nantinya akan menjalani hari tua bersama kita di teras rumah dengan dua cangkir teh bertulis papa dan mama. Kita ga akan pernah tau semua itu, kita ga akan pernah tau apakah orang yang bersama kita sekarang adalah orang yang “diizinkan” untuk mencintai kita. 

Pada akhirnya, kita berharap cosmological coincidence bakal mempertemukan kita dengan orang yang tepat. Namun pada dasarnya kamu ga bisa hanya sekedar berharap karena sebetulnya ‘kebetulan’ itu juga ga akan selalu bekerja kalau tidak ada efforts. Maksudnya, kalau kamu memang berharap cosmological coincidence akan terjadi di antara kamu dan orang yang kamu inginkan, maka berusahalah agar itu terjadi. Berpikirlah positif dan melangkahlah dengan menurut hati dan logika yang baik.  Karena langkahmulah yang akan menuntun alam semesta untuk menuntun orang tersebut menuju ke suatu titik yang sama denganmu yang disebut pertemuan.

Yang aku alami sendiri adalah murni kebetulan kosmos. Aku bahkan ga pernah membayangkan sebelumnya bahwa itu akan terjadi. Tapi saat konspirasi alam akhirnya terjadi, aku ga bisa menghindar dan pada akhirnya, pertemuan terjadi. Tidak begitu lama tapi rasanya aku tau bahwa aku bertemu orang yang tepat. Tepat dalam banyak hal. Dan yang lebih ‘kebetulan’-nya lagi semua itu terjadi di hari yang sama dengan rusaknya mood-ku. Jadi, cosmological coincidence ini seolah telah dirancang dengan sedemikian rupa untuk membalikkan mood-ku yang hancur menjadi, well, sempurna.

Senang? Who doesn’t?

In the end, this cosmological coincidence finally leads me to such a new section of my life. I thank God and the universe for making such a lovable thing like cosmological coincidence. Cause when I thought something never walking in my lifecycle, then it is.

Dan saat orang membaca postingan ini, jangan berpikir bahwa aku jatuh cinta.

Aku hanya masih bertemu dengan orang yang tepat.

Read More